I’m jaded now, whatever that means

by Valli

Yesterday I cried. Hmm.. Isn’t that the title of a book or something? Anyway it’s true. Crying isn’t all bad. Sometimes it’s the only release you have to get the hurt and the pain out. I always feel much better after a really good cry. It’s almost, dare I say, refreshing? Anyway, I didn’t get a chance to have my full on cry out because I was at work when this all happened. No one saw me of course. Things have been insane at work lately.

Have I ever cried at or about a job before? Well there was that one time at Sierra, which, when you think about it Sierra is a lot like Maui because they have a lot of dumbasses running things and you can never get anything good changed for the better. So there are a lot of similarities. At least at Sierra there were some hottie pilots in training.

Anyway besides that let’s see… I cried that time I got fired for the first time. I didn’t cry in front of anyone there of course but just ya know in my car like any normal person would do. 🙂 I never cried at/about ICSI or Speedo or David’s Bridal or Best Buy or Target. This place though. It takes everything out of you. Especially if you’re a person like me who thinks logicially the crazy shit they do around here can really drive you crazy. I’m going to have to pull an allnighter when I come back from Vegas next week. That’s the only way I can get back to being ahead of the game. You’re always playing catchup around here. Needless to say I’ve started to actively search for another job. I really wanted this place to be my last stop before The Playground but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen now.

They fired the VP of Sales who ran this office, and now they have this guy from Maui here in the meanwhile. There are three scenario’s that could happen. The first being that they hire two directors, one for fresh and one for canned. The second would be if they were to move this office to a cheaper location. I’m all for that if it’s in Antioch or Pittsburg, or anywhere east of Antioch and Pittsburg. The third idea is to close this office completely and just have the people they need on the mainland to work out of their homes. I’m all for that but of course who knows if they consider me someone that they’d need to have on the mainland. I dunno. This whole thing is something I hate. Uncertainty. I crave, cherish and value sercurity and that’s the one thing we don’t have any of around here. Such bullshit. They keep saying that Fresh is the future and it’s their focus, but I still have yet to see anything that proves that. So everything they say I have to take with a grain of salt. A “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of thing, but I don’t even want to stick around to see it.

There’s so much more to say but I don’t know if I can even explain it all. I went to my psycho supervisor the day before yesterday and I talked to her about my job. I told her that I don’t have enough time to give all my duties the full attention they deserve and that one of them needs to go and that that one thing needs to be Fresh-Crap. So the skank tells me that because I accepted this new position (which included fresh-crap as one of the biggest responsibilties) and the raise that came with it, that I can’t just say that I don’t want to do it anymore. That totally pissed me off. I love how she tried to make it seem like it wasn’t her that was saying this but that it’s what “they” would say, yea right. Anyway… My point was that because of this new computer system (that sucks ass by the way) it takes me a lot longer to do things that I used to be able to do quickly. And then if the system decides to fuck up then forget about it. So I didn’t know it was going to add so much time to these things and since Fresh-Crap is the lesser/crappier program that that should be the thing to go. They should really hire someone to do it full time or at least part-time.

“I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along”

I love that line. It’s from that Linkin Park song ‘somewhere I belong’. That’s all that I want. I just want to be happy with my work life. This place is depressing. I find it hard to smile here. bleh..

On to other stuff… I went to the Trust CO./Pacifier/30 Seconds To Mars/FT show in SF on Wednesday. I totally mised all of FT’s set. I was so pissed at myself. It was all because I missed my exit and I couldn’t find the friggin Fillmore. They need a bigger sign damnit! 🙂 It’s no biggy ’cause I get to see them again in Vegas. I saw the guys, talked to Kirk and Jesse… The tour is being sponsored by Cutty Whiskey and they have these chicks they call the “cutty girls” who have been on tour with the guys. Of course they were wearing revealing clothing and junk. One of ’em looked like an ex-stripper who had taken one too many spins around the pole if ya know what I mean. Anyway, they brought Sergio on stage to sing happy birthday to him… can you say puke? Sergio was cute though 🙂 Anyway… 30 STM is Jared Leto’s band… you know! Jordan Catalano from My-So Called Life. hehe… Anyway.. he’s soo friggin hot with his hair all long and bleach blonde and wearing makeup.. I have a serious thing for guys who aren’t afraid to wear eyeliner… 🙂 During their set I was standing next to Dustin and his friend. We weren’t that far away from the stage, pretty close and duing one song Jared went out into the audience and walked right in front of me. Let’s just say that the fantasy was killed by the reality. I never realized how short he is. He’s not a midget but he’s shorter than me and he’s supppper skinny! not sexy. 🙂 he’s still a cutie tho. Then after they played they just hung around. I was talking to Mego in the hallway and Jared walked by to go to the bathroom. There were some serious FT fans (they had on the new shirts and everything), a guy and a girl, the guy reminded me of gay Joseph, standing in front of us talking to Kirk or waiting to talk to Kirk but anyway… When Jared walked by the guy fan said something to him and I think he touched him somehow anyway, the guy and girl freaked out, I think they even jumped up and down. 🙂 It was funny 🙂 It was just enough for me to be in the same room as him. Anything I would have wanted to say to him would have just been pointless. Hell I’ll write him a letter if I want to tell him how great I thought he was in Requiem For A Dream. The other dudes in his band were really cute, but they never really interacted with the crowd during the set, the drummer did sorta at the end. The Fillmore definitely wasn’t packed or anything. I was expecting more people to be there. It didn’t sell out. I guess Trust Co isn’t that big. I got a FT poster from Kirk, they’re really cool.

I’m really excited about the trip down to Vegas tomorrow! It’ll be so nice to get away and go to M&M World! 🙂 I gotta go to the NASCAR Cafe and get one Junior item. A keychain doodad would be good.