nothing could come between us

by Valli

Apropos.

This three day weekend has gone by way too fast. I like it because it is so long, but I hate it because it takes me so far away from work that when I go back it’ll take me that much longer to get back into the swing of things. It’s so incredibly easy to see the bright side of things when I’m not actually there. It is soooooooo easy. Too easy. So much so that when I go back it breaks my heart to have to be around those damn people. Even people who I thought were ok are turning out to be kinda psychotic themselves. It’s very strange. People can be weird. They can be completley obvious about their jealousy or their competiiveness… It’s so not necessary. It’s like you’re not allowed to be happy about something that you’ve accomplished or done, someone always has to have this like negative vibe. Everybody can’t always be rooting for you I suppose.

At work I sit in this room with my ex-boss, my arch rival, nemesis even. He is the wicked witch of the west to my Dorothy. He is Ursula to my Ariel. I hate this man. I hate this. Moving on, my desk is an L shape and the corner of the L faces a corner. My rival’s desk does the same to the other corner opposite me. His desk is right next to my “supervisor’s” office and I pretty much think of her as one of the henchmen for my rival. Anyway, when I’m sitting at my desk facing my computer, everybody who comes into the office can see me as they pass by, they can also see me when they pass by to go into the other room that’s next to ours. This bugs me. I feel like the fucking receptionist for these two dumbasses. When they first moved me they offered this sliver of a partition to block me partially from the people walking by. I declined ’cause I figured what’s the fucking point right? Well, now it’s getting on my nerves, especially when I’m trying to email my resume to people, I’m constantly stopping and looking around every five seconds. So anyway I asked the chicky who’s in charge of these things if it’s possible to get that partition and another one to go on the other side of me (to block out big dummy). So instead of emailing me back the dork comes over and says that they already used that leftover partition on someone elses cube, and perhaps they could put a plant next to my desk to block the view? Is she fucking crazy? I was like well if that’s all that I can get then fine, but ya know I’d much rather have a partion. So I guess she’s going to look into it, but fucking come on. I know they’re not exactly making the greatest profits but they can afford to get me a fucking partition. Regardless of what I want they should do it anyway. It would just look better altogether.

In their effort to reorganize they’ve taken away most of my day to day duties and given them to other people that I have to train. Which, by the way, is a HUGE pain the ass. This shit isn’t rocket science but it is complicated. Anyway, I’ll be spending this week training people and after that I have no idea what I’ll be doing. Scott, one of the fresh sales people, has told me that he’s got “tons of stuff” for me to do. Riiiiiiight. Supposedly they’re going to be changing the order process for fresh yet again and I’ll be more involved, AKA I’ll be doing shit that doesn’t make sense for me to be doing. insane, insane, insane.

Jeremy got a job at Matson. Jeremy happens to be the ONLY young-ish guy in the office (he’s 29) and he’s fucking leaving. The first words out of my mouth were “why does he get to leave?”. Seriously! I’m losing it. I’m definitely lacking in the motivation department when it comes to work. I’m trying somewhat to produce a better attitude when I’m at work, but frustration is the only word, emotion that I can come up with. I’m constantly thinking about that example that I used before about having to go to work everyday and watch someone shoot themselves in the foot over and over and over, they know it hurts and that nothings to go to change, but they still keep doing it, over and over and over again.

The Coldplay is this Friday. I’m still not sure if I’m going to go or not. It seems like the only thing I’ve done this weekend is sleep. I slept during the day on Sunday, I slept during the day today. That’s that I seem to want to do. It’s really annoying. Plus I haven’t been feeling well from my allergies. It’s the worst thing ever. Allergies suck. The family is coming up next week I believe. That should be fun, just as long as I don’t have to babysit, which I don’t think will happen. good, good, good.

I want to make a drastic change in my life. I just want to be happy. I feel like I deserve to be happy. On the other hand, I’m not depressed. My job sucks but I do make really great money, and every month I’m getting closer and closer to paying everything off, closer to buying that condo, closer to getting that SBA loan and starting my business. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, but of course there’s always something more that you’d like to obtain. I’m not completley there yet, there’s so much more to accomplish. So much more. The biggest thing is that I want to prove to these people that they don’t know who I am and that whatever they’re thinking about me is wrong. I think there is definitely a good level of happiness in my life, but its not as great as it could be, things could always be better. I’m not doing what I want to do, and that’s the biggest goal in my life. That’s what I’ve always wanted even if I may not have ever actually said it out loud before, but I just want to do what I want. No one else dictating how things should sound, look or be. I want it all to be of my choosing. That goes for work and for my personal life. I want more from life than what I’m currently getting.

I bumped into Jonathan at the mall last weekend. I don’t know about him. I suppose I like him but I just can’t take too much of him at one time. He’s negative about a lot of things and he interrupts me when I talk, it gets annoying really fast.

Justin & Christina is next week, that should be fun. The concert that I’m really looking forward to is John Mayer/Counting Crows. That is going to be sooooooo awesome. I can’t wait. I love those guys so much. yay!