feel

by Valli

“I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
‘Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste”
(lyrics from the song’feel’ by Robbie Williams)

I second that notion. here, here. I’ve been here since 5:30am this morning. It was really easy getting up this morning. I doubt it will be so easy to do tomorrow morning. This weekend all I did was sleep. I took naps in the middle of the day on both days and I totally needed it. I was totally worn out.

I just wrote an email to the designer couple telling them that I pass on their job opportunity. As much as I liked to spiff it up it just wouldn’t help me get to where I need to go. The sad fact is that I need money, money, money. I really want to buy a condo before this year is over if possible and I just couldn’t do that with a sketchy job possibility and probbably way less money to start with. Now the production place is another story. I still feel like I want it if it all turns out well and the place is really cool and crawling with hot dudes. 🙂 haha.. Well not just that. I’ve definitely had my fill of Maui but now that I’m in the position of possibly leaving I’ve got some power on my side. They need me, there’s no way around that, they can’t deny that. If they were to fire me today they’d be SOL and they know that. Eventhough they still could do that, 99.9 percent of me believes that they wouldn’t. So I have some leverage. I even started to think this week that maybe I could stay, but that hinges on A LOT of stuff changing. I’d have to move to Customer Service because I wouldn’t want the texas dude or my current boss to be my boss any longer, and I’d get to work on what I want to work on, which is what I would get to work on if I were to move to CS., and I wouldn’t have a lower rate of pay either. I just need another year (and a half possibly) in order to get to where I need to be with The Playground. That’s all that this is for and when you think about it like that, it kind of makes things easier. My only other stipulation is that before I move or change or whatever, we figure out to the last detail what everybody is doing and what the procedure will be. There is NO reason whatsoever that could stop them/us from doing that.

I go back and forth over all of this constantly. I don’t know if I want to risk it, it’s like what if I stay and I get what I want and it still sucks ass? This all hinges upon if I even get offered this job at this production place and I hope that I do because it would be even better to have an option. Plus if I go through with this move at Maui then I can’t just up and leave if I find another job, I couldn’t do that the CS Manager. So I’m going to put the option out there and see what happens, give them this week to hash it out, which also gives me time to go to this interview and see what’s doin over there, and hopefully they can give me a decision this week or early next week.

Okay, so being a CSR isn’t going to work, they’d have to pay me less. Which is totally lame. So my only choice is to leave this godforsaken place. That woman should call me tomorrow morning to set up the interview. I hope we can schedule it for the same day, I doubt it, but it would be nice. I hope I’m the only person they’re considering for the position. That would be sweet.