‘when you’re out and your with friends, and you’re having a good time you act as if no one else is around. You laugh and smile, and then unbeknownst to you there’s this guy across the room watching you, he’s smiling too, but he’s smiling just because you are. That’s the guy who’s going to love you, who’s in love with you, or will be in love with you’

I hate whispering. I hate it when people are standing around talking in hushed voices. It’s the most annoying thing in the world.

Also another annoying thing. People who are dopey. People who ask stupid questions. Ugh!

In other fabulous news. So I put that ad up on Craigslist that I posted here yesterday. I received a cool response from a woman who is a professional tutor. It sounds lame but it’s really interesting. She’s dealt with celebs and stuff. Anyway. She dug what I said apparently. I got that response this morning and then I got another one this afternoon from a girl who is the personal assistant to a Director who lives in the Hollywood Hills (hello!!) and she’s looking for a replacement for herself because she’s moving to NYC. Anyway, it sounds awesome and I’m going straight home and sending her my resume.

I might write later… have to talk about my insanely good JM dream that I had last night!

So after having yet another tearful crying session with my mom about my life and the direction I want it to take I did several things. Well first I should say the whole crying thing was on my part, because when I get to these points when I feel like I can’t take it anymore I feel like my life is crashing down on me and that I’m no where near where I want to be, I just have to talk to my mom in the hopes that it’ll help and basically I just have to have my cry out.

Ok, that was a serious run on sentence right there. Anyway. My mom did the usual “go back to college” song and dance. I wish she would stop ’cause it’s so not going to happen. I’m determined to get what I want without that damn degree. But she did say something good. She said that I haven’t really searched out all the possibilties and really talked to someone who’s doing what I want to do and asked them how I could get into it. So to pick up where I started this entry at, after I had my cry and we talked I went to Barnes & Noble, got a bunch of business magazines (to re-engergize) a new “chik lit” book (to zone out) and a book on CD by Dr. Deepak Chopra about “coincidences” and how to listen to them (to help me relax). Then I went to the Vitamin Shoppe (as I like say “vitamin shoppeeeeeeeeeee”) and got some Echincea ’cause I felt like I was getting sick, and then over to the new Jamba Juice for my first ever Jamba Powerboost, which was a total boost and pretty yummy. Now if only they had a drive thru like Starbucks.

Anyway… after I did all that I came back home and went on Craigslist and wrote this ad for the Los Angeles resumes section.

Shallow, Superficial Super Personal Assistant Available
——————————————————————————–
Reply to: valli_krd@yahoo.com
Date: Sat Jan 24th 05:04

I’m not actually shallow or superficial but I thought that might get a laugh.

At any rate, I am a smart young woman with tons of admin work experience in varied fields. Unfortunately for me the one field that I haven’t delved into has been the entertainment industry, and wouldn’t you know it that’s the one place I want to be the most.

Aside from the administrative work experience that I’ve had, I’ve also worked with local bands, producing shows. My work can be viewed at www.playgroundpresents.com

What my work with The Playground proves is that I know how to organize - people, places & things. And I know how to do it well and without pissing off cops. (in case you require that type of thing, I don’t know, maybe you do) Seriously, I live to organize, to make things run better, faster and more efficiently. Couldn’t we all use a little of that in our lives?

One of the bands that I’ve worked with (and continue to) has gone on to be signed by Columbia Records, they’re called Fingertight (and they’re an awesome band btw)

At work, I’m always the person people ask for help when they don’t know how to spell a word, or how to use a particular computer program. I possess intelligence, a sense of humor, perfectionist tendencies and a strong dose of common sense.

I currently live in Northern California but am willing and able to move to Los Angeles for the right position. I’m not going to lie and beat around the bush, you don’t have the time to waste and neither do I. This is my life and I want to be happy and have as much fun as possible. What this means is that I want to have a job that I love, within an industry that I love. What this also means is that I’m not going to fool around and not do a great job. I want to do a phenomenal job and help people.

You want someone you can trust and communicate with and feel like you’re getting your ideas across. Did I mention that I’m an incredible communicator? That’s mostly because I get what you’re trying to do, I get that you don’t want to have to tell someone something over and over again. I get that you want to save time.

So if you’re looking for someone to be your right hand, your gal friday, then send me an email (valli_krd@yahoo.com) and I’ll send you the official version of my resume.

If you’re not interested in hiring me (why not??) I am interested in meeting people who are either in this kind of position already or are trying to hire someone, and talking to them about how to get into this kind of work.

——-the end———

I love what I wrote. It’s pretty funny if I do say so myself. I’ve had one response so far from someone who wanted a picture and my resume. Weird. I didn’t give either of course. I wrote ‘em back and asked him what they wanted them for, you know in consideration for what?? I’m going to delete it and post it again on monday when people are back at work or whatever lookin’ for fabulous peeps like me.

Can I just say here and now that I don’t like the version of the song “why don’t you and I” by Santana with Alex Band from The Calling? I hate his vocals on it and I much prefer Chad Kroeger’s.. they’re sooo much better…

That’s pretty much all that I wanted to say.. Oh and that I had a fantabulous dream about Dale Earnhardt Jr. the other night. Okay, it wasn’t the greatest actually. It started crappy and ended crappy but the middle was good. So I’m this place, I don’t know where really for sure, I don’t think it was a race but maybe. Anyway he was there and there were all these blonde, stick figure girls around and around him and I was of course “ew gag me”. So I thought all hope was lost of him ever wanting to get with me, then somehow we come together and he’s totally into me and we’re making out and it’s great. Then at the end I’m like “You’re just so intoxicating” (I told my mom I said that she’s like “what did he say? ‘that’s the cheesiest line I’ve ever heard’, my mom’s a nut) to which he didn’t say anything but then something happened to where I wasn’t who he thought I was like physically, and he had to go ’cause he was supposed to be with one of the blonde stick figures. So I was like fucking A! Strangely enough I’m not and was not (in the dream) mad about it. I was sad but I felt like he could come back or that he would come back. Weirdness. I was just happy that I finally have a dream where I kiss Dale Jr.

I’m out now because there’s this documentary/show thingy coming on about Nascar and Dale Jr that VH1 did, hehe.. I’m tivo’ing it and then it’s Golden Globe time! woo-hoo!

All of a sudden I have become so tired. I would love to be able to go home and just sleep. I don’t want to be here today.

It’s amazing how things can change in an instant. Well.. they really haven’t changed, it’s just that old feelings come back and they get brought up and you remember stuff. Like how badly I don’t want this type of life. I don’t want to be doing this 12 years from now, or moving up in this company. That doesn’t appeal to me in the least. Something has to change.

I got “yelled at”, I put that in quotes ’cause I really didn’t get yelled at, yelled at. I guess it was just a reprimand or something. Not even that. Basically a “don’t do it anymore” thingy for being AIM and having too good of a time. haha. I quess I just wasn’t working fast enough for her. Whatever. I understoode where she was coming from, I haven’t been having the greatest of weeks these past couple of weeks. It’s because I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m bored with it already. When we had that staff meeting and my whole entertainment listings argument was shat (that’s a word, past tense of shit, fyi) on by the “men”, as I like to call them, that pretty much put me back in that mindset that this place is stupid. I don’t know if I was ever in that mindset with this place totally, but now I’m leaning towards it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate these people, it’s no where near what Maui was, but I just know that this is never going to make me happy.

Out of everything in my life, I just want to be entirely happy with one situation in my life. I just want to get one area right. Or have all of the areas be kinda balanced. Things aren’t completely horrible. There’s always room for improvement. What I would love is to have one week where I wake up every morning excited and happy looking forward to the day ahead of me. I’ve had like one or two days out of a week where I felt like that but never all five in a row. At least not that I can remember right now.

How am I going to do this?

It would be phenomonal to find a job in the entertainment industry that I’d really like to get me by right now. I do not want another administrative job, I am soooo completely done with it. I’m sick of it. I know that I’m better than this crap. I know that I’m worth more than this. I realized it at the xmas party. I was being introduced to people and they asked what I did, and I was like trying to think and I couldn’t think of anything good to say. I don’t want to say “filing, copying, answering stupid questions, entering data”. I’m so much smarter than all of that. All my good ideas going to waste. That’s what I fear the most. What if my dreams don’t come true? What then?

I’m looking forward to going home tonight, to a clean house to my “picked up” room and laying in my bed knowing that I don’t have to go to work tomorrow or the next day.

It should be 5 days of weekend instead of 5 days of work.

Those same old feelings are making a comeback. Yes folks, Valli is ready to bid adieu to the corporate life and jump feet first into the small business arena. I long for it.

This is all happening because they’re pissing me off here at work. So I come in today and find out that I have to get coffee from downstairs and bring it up to the conference room where they’re having some sort of meeting about one of our products. The only reason I know what they’re talking about is because I overheard them talk about it yesterday. No one ever told me to my face that they were going to need me to get stuff for the meeting today. And you can’t just go down to the cafeteria and grab the coffee pots and go, you have to put in a request. Of course they didn’t think to follow the rules and put in their request so I did just now. Fucking lame. I hate it when people wait till the last minute to do shit, especially when they want me to be involved. I’m perfectly happy waiting till the last minute on stuff when only I’m involved, when it’s something that only I can do, but when it’s something that they’re setting up for a group of people that are coming, that we should be impressing. That really annoys me. There’s no excuse. Write shit down! How hard is that??

If writing in my journal earned me money towards the playground, I’d have enough to start it by now. Too bad good intentions don’t equal money. Or passion for that matter. Or dedication. Maybe I should figure out another way of getting there? I think the only way to do it faster would be to start a way, way small business like the clothing company idea and pray that that one works out better than this parting gifts idea has. I dunno, I still think the Parting Gifts idea is good, it’s just that I don’t feel like actually baking anymore.. haha. How convenient, huh? So with clothing I don’t have to actually make the clothes, just the logos, which isn’t hard, since I can do it at work. And I can start sellin those bad boys instantly with an online store, which won’t be hard to set up. Yep. I gotta reserve the website name.

I’m so excited about going home today, my mom’s fabulous chili is waiting for me with Baked Doritos. hehe. Those things are soo good. I think I prefer baked doritos to regular doritos now.

“I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me,
so I can say this is the way that I used to be”

I just like that quote from a JM song “split screen sadness” I think that song is my fave off of Heavier Things. Ok.. yea.. I’m going now.. later…