I am a Quirkyalone and I feel sooo incredibly validated right now, it’s not even funny. I feel awesome! Everything makes sense now!

quirkyalone (kwur.kee.uh.lohn) n. adj.
A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status. See also: romantic, idealist, independent

It was totally fate that I found this book. The book is called “quirkyalone: a manifesto for uncompromising romantics” That’s me! I’m off to go home and read this fabulous book before American Idol comes on. It’s going to be soo good.

yay!

I had a bunch of really weird dreams last night but the best part was when I was in a grocery store and Keanu Reeves looked right at me like he knew me and just smiled. Ahh… I melted. It was great. The crappy part was that we just walked by each other and didn’t say anything. Ugh. Take the good, take the bad, that’s the facts of life.

There’s something about John Mayer’s song “Tracing” that just speaks to me. I know that sounds really, really cheesy but it’s true. It goes deeper than that. There’s something so relaxed and normal and comforting about it. He’s so good. I want to be that good.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t written in this thing for a few days. I would always go to write something at work and then I’d come up with some other idea/thing I needed to do and I’d go do that and of course forget what I wanted to write about. I totally run myself around in circles at work. I come up with all these thoughts and all these things that I remind myself that I need to do and I wanna do them all at that one moment. Of course that doesn’t work because you can’t do more than one thing at a time. I really need to write all this stuff down and just take things one step at a time. I wanna do the clothing company thing, I wanna do the band promotions thing.

And Jamie if you’re reading this I totally need to write you back! eek! I promise I will either today or tomorrow or monday, I will My boss is on vacation all next week so I won’t have her walking by checking to see if I’m having too much fun on AIM, for a while.

So Friday was the last day for our real estate sales rep. She quit ’cause she felt like it wasn’t right for her, which is cool, but I liked her in general and it sucks to know that I’ll have to help out some new person learn how we do everything, yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, we had lunch together at the picnic tables outside, eating the leftover sandwhich stuff I brought in for the potluck the day before. We talked about what she was going to do, how the company was fucked up in some ways, blah, blah, blah. I told her how I put up that ad on Craigslist and how I got a response from this personal/director’s assistant who needs to find a replacement for herself. Before Friday the last email I got from her told me that their producer had someone in mind for the job but ultimately it was up to the Director, but she was going to keep me posted. So I told Wendy (Real Esate Sales Rep who’s leaving) all this and she thought it sounded cool and I was like yea, and then we started talking about coincidences and the Deepak Chopra book on cd that I’ve been listening to, and how all coincidences mean something. So we finished lunch eventually and went back to “work”, like ten minutes after being back at my desk I get an email from the personal assistant girl saying that the person the producer had in mind couldn’t do the job ’cause they didn’t have a car and could only work part-time, and they need someone who has a car and can work full-time. In a previous email I told her that I would be down in L.A. Valentines weekend through Monday. So she asked if we could meet up on that Monday, the 16th. So it looks like I’m going to be interviewing for the job.

I feel all weird about the whole thing. The thing that has me worried, or something, I’m not sure what emotion I’m feeling right now, is that the base pay is half of what I’m making now, which is absolutely insane and I could never live on that, even if I lived with my sister. So they would have to up it. But I’m like I don’t even know if they’ll offer me the job or if I’ll even want it after I meet them. It’s all up in the air and I guess I don’t like that feeling. The feeling of the unknown. I dunnoo, this is all really weird and complex in my head and I don’t know why. When I first got that email from her I was all excited and looking forward to it, now I’m all nervous and eeked out. Eventhough I know it’s no biggy. I mean even if I don’t get it, I still have plans I have tons of stuff that I can do. So it’s just a little interview that’s all, just a meeting with people to talk about a job. I don’t have to agree to anything.

I’ve been talking to Richard, er, Richy everyday at work on AIM. It just occured to me that we talk everyday online. Except for weekends, but I did talk to him today. We’ve even talked over the phone a handful of times and it’s been really fun. He’s a good guy and I like who he is in every way. I need to get that book, “The Book of Questions” so I’ll always have a question to ask him. He says I don’t talk enough. Ohhh… I can use that Kokology book on him. Good idea.

I’m exercising tonight after a super long hiatus. I really need to get back into the swing of things. I’ve maintained the weight that I’ve lost so I’m happy about that, but of course I want do more. Especially with the JM show coming up in couple weeks and then the FT show the week after that. I know I’m not going to hit my goal in three weeks but at least I’ll feel more confident because I am losing something. Which reminds me, I need to order that hoodie for the fingertight show… I still don’t know what to get on it. I’ve come to just getting FT Fan Club, but of course the FT will be spelled out. I dunno. I wanna get something cool. So maybe I’ll just get the “sissies are cool” hoodie instead.

Hmm… stuff to think about.

No teacher to follow, no prophet to tell me how,
But I know what I want, I know what I want now.
Like water, it rushes,
it’s the last thing you see when you close your eyes,
it’s the one place you want to be.
But if it doesn’t brush my shoulder, and it doesn’t beat my heart,
that’s not what I want, that’s not where I will start.
I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart,
that’s not what I want.
If you don’t know what you’re missing
cause you don’t know where to start,
follow your wishing heart.
I was restless,( X4)
I just want this to be good,( X2)
But you don’t understand,
You don’t understand me, and I want to be understood.
But if it doesn’t brush my shoulder,
And it doesn’t beat my heart,
That’s not what I want - no, that’s not where I will start.
I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart,
That’s not what I want.
If we all leap before we crawl, we might fall,
And it’s not always candy spun from head to heart,
And it’s not always meant to be,
And it’s not always up to me.
But if it doesn’t brush my shoulders, and it doesn’t beat my heart.
That’s not what I want, that’s not where I will start.
I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart,
That’s not what I want.
If you don’t know what you’re missing,
‘Cause you don’t know where to start,
You don’t know what you’re missing
Follow your wishing heart.
-Wishing Heart by Lisa Loeb

There couldn’t be a more perfect song on the planet right now than that song. It just makes perfect sense.

In other fabulous news… Found out that FT is doing a show on the 28th at ImusicASS, so the party idea is back ON! We’re going to have an “afterparty” at the residence inn in Phill after the show is over! I’m so excited. It’s going to be great. I’m going to try and send out the evite tonight. *JUAD* fun!!!

I’m officially declaring my “curse” over. No, no, not that kind of “curse”. My guy curse thing. Anyway, I found out today that the new hottie guy at work has a girlffriend. Normally this would mean that the curse was alive and well, but because I didn’t care that he had one (and the fact that I know she’s kinda dippy) made it not matter in the least. This whole curse idea that I had was stupid and I’m done with it. And this whole non-thing with Colin just pisses me off so much that I refuse to believe for another minute that I’m the cursed one. I mean, this whole situation is just so weird. I mean who comes to meet someone has a great time with them, kisses them and then never speaks to them again?? That doesn’t make any sense AT ALL. So because that whole situation is so screwy I’m officially certain that it can’t get weirder than that, I mean who’s heard of a “one night kisser”??? What is that?? I don’t get it. Anyway, all this makes me believe even more so that when I do finally meet “the guy” that I’ll appreciate him even more and it’ll be so right. I’ve seen all the bullshit, there’s no way that I can lie to myself.

I’m so proud of the fact that I’ve acted “grown up” and mature about this whole thing. I didn’t live in a fantasy world and try to make this into something huge. I totally see him and what happened for what it is/was. I’m either growing up or becoming more jaded, probably both.

Guys come and go, but one day one really great one will stay. I’m sure of this.