“I’ve made some bad choices in that area,” she said but added, “I’m changing the tape in the tape recorder. Now, all I hear myself saying over and over again is that I’m going to find the right man.” - Halle Berry, discussing love relationships, in light of her recent divorce from Eric Benet

Right on! I’m changing my tapes too. I’ve got a couple going on, actually more like a few. There’s one for the playground, one for my weight and one about relationships. The Playground one is easy, I know that that’s going to happen and that I’m going to make it happen. But the relationships and weight, well I haven’t always been positive about those two subjects, but that’s it. I’m changing things.

I’m surprised I didn’t come up with that earlier. It’s what I have to do in order to get what I want. Unless of course some amazing job came up in the meantime. I’m thinking about getting a second job in order to help me pay things off faster. If I do do that I’m going to be super picky about it. It has to be some place I can wear jeans. I was thinking about going to Cost Plus ’cause they wear jeans, and just being a cashier on the weekends and evenings. Last time I was there they were still hiring, but I dunno.

Everyone is gone. Yay! They still haven’t mounted our TV on the wall. I can’t wait for the little buttheads to finally do it. They said they’d do it this week but it hasn’t happened. It’ll actually kinda suck because then I probably won’t be able to listen to my music as much, but that’s ok. I’d rather watch baseball anyway or Oprah.

Let’s see, everytime something gets annoying I want to bail. Couldn’t be more true. But it’s not that I want to bail because I’m a slacker. It’s because I want to do something better. I want The Playground and nothing else. It’s so simple but so freaking hard. I wish for more patience. Or for something to make the time pass quicker. The time between getting my debt paid off and getting a condo. Once I’ve got that condo though I’ll still have some work to do or at least more waiting before I can get the loan I’ll need. But still at least I’ll be WAY closer to it all than I am now, AND the biggest thing, I’ll be out of my mom’s house FINALLY! That will be sooo cool. That’s the thing that’s been bugging me the most lately. I just want my own place to do with whatever I please.

I want what I want. Ya know, that one dude who was on The Restaurant said it best when he quit working at Rocco’s. “If I spend one minute being unhappy then I’m wasting my life” or something like that. I’m probably paraphrasing, but its totally true. I feel like I’m just treading water here.

To make matters worse and or more motivating I watched this special on Coyote Ugly. They did a whole thing about the opening of their 10th bar in Austin, TX. Anyway the woman who owns the bars started the first one when she was 24. TWENTY-FOUR PEOPLE, TWENTY-FOUR!! I turn 24 this year. Yes I’m whining ’cause that’s what I want to do, not a bar of course but a place that’s MINE.

I’m so sick of corporate bullshit and bureaucracy. You can’t change anything. At least anything on a companywide scale. Lame.

I’m feeling sick. It’s either sick or allergies. Either way it’s annoying and I wish it would go away. Eck..

Well I dunno.. there isn’t much to say. I’m going home now.

Ohh.. .just checked out Gwen Stefani’s LeSportsac handbag line called L.A.M.B. and I’m sooo getting the cold hard cash wallet, and maybe even the tour bag for luggage.. that’d be super cool.

I’ve been avoiding EVERYBODY these past many days. Lets see, there’s Elise, Michele, Angela… I have no desire to talk to them. It’s not that they’ve done anything wrong I’m just not in the mood. Although I owe Jamie an email and I will definitely write her back, but that’s the only person I’m talking to.. I’ve just been in a weird mood lately. I really want to be focused on just paying off my debt. I have it all mapped out and it doesn’t leave much room for doing stuff, so maybe that’s why I’m not talking to those chickys.. but I dunno… at some point I’m going to have to say something. It’d be weird to wait till August to say “hi”..

All I know is that I can’t wait for Friday, because that means I will be beginning a three-day weekend. yippee skippy.

I’m tired from doing all this crappy paperwork. It’s got my head hurting and spinning. I’m glad both bosses are gone so I can just chill out for the next half hour.

Food. So lame. You would think that since I enjoy suffering that going on a diet and not eating anything would be a piece of cake, or at least not eating things I love like starbucks or sweets. But it just isn’t so. I eat for any reason what so ever. Food tastes so good.