The bitch (kimmie gibler) asked me if I would have time to make more media kits this week. Is there something wrong with her fucking hands that I don’t know about?? Is she allergic to pushing buttons on the color copiers?? Or is she scared that using our color printer will cause her to gain weight?? I’m surfing the crimson wave and I’m not in the mood for this shit.

Interesting thought. So that movie ‘I, Robot’ that’s coming out soon with Will Smith. All the robots are doing jobs like nannies, walking dogs, CLERICAL work. What does that say about me?? I don’t want to be somebody’s robot, or monkey, or bitch. I talk about this all the time, and I’m sure it’s incredibly boring to people who actually read my journal on a regular basis (what, like all 2 of you?) but it just helps me to keep my resolve, my resolve. Which is to get the hell out of here at the first possible chance. They’re all pissing me off today. Ok.. this is a perfect example of shit that grates on my nerves. Roxy can’t get into a program on her computer. I give her instructions that I think should fix the problem. She uses them then tries to open the program again. she says it still doesn’t work. I say maybe she should call the helpdesk. Then she tries it again and it works, she says that it worked, THEN says “it didn’t work before, now it does”… That last sentence wasn’t necessary!!!

I have no desire whatsoever to please other people. I could give a rats ass. Ok, I want to please my mom, I want her to be proud of me, her and my sister and my brother-n-law, outside of them I have no desire to please anyone else except myself.

I went to Target yesterday, mostly to look around, and I found these PERFECT stools to go under my counter/bar thingy. I also found a great table for my entry/foyer to put my keys on. And I found a table and chair set for the balcony that’s not expensive and not all cheapy-uncomfortable. So I hope it’s all still there when I can come back to buy it. All fabulously priced of course.

I wonder when “You Can’t Do That On Television” will come out on DVD. That’d be insanely great. I miss that show. That’s probably why I dig Alanis Morissette so much, that and we have a lot of the same issues, and she’s a great singer/songwriter. If you wanna know about me, listen to every Alanis CD. Everything is in there, right down to people pronouncing my name wrong.

Not caring is a release, ’cause if you don’t care, then you just don’t care, it’s all water under the bridge. At work there are a lot of fucked up things that happen and that shouldn’t but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve expressed opinions, concerns, etc. and it gets me no where in the big scheme of things. This is one of those huge companies that has all these stupid processes in place that make no sense. It’s basically impossible to change anything that’s really important at such a low level. My bosses can’t even do much. It’s shitty. I’ve known for quite some time that corporate life is not for me, even if I was working for Sony, I still don’t wanna do it. Bureaucratic Bullshit. It’s an independent life for me.

So the third of july party is officially cancelled, but once I get some furniture and “seating” I’m going to have a little party to celebrate my new digs. I can’t wait to move in and to have a party. Nothing too wild and crazy of course, I do have neighbors all over the place.

Reason Number 25 for why I hate Kimmie Gibler: She’s a jackass. Case in point last Friday she declares (to anyone within hearing distance) that she can’t seem to lose these last ten pounds, eventhough she works out 5 to 6 days a week. That in and of itself is grounds for ripping her head off and throwing it into the newpaper presses. She’s fucking thin ok! Where is she trying to lose ten pounds from , her fucking head? So anyway, then she goes on to talk (at length) about how she’s going to go on the South Beach Diet this past weekend, but it really, really sucks ’cause she won’t be able to drink alcohol for the first two weeks! Oooh! Horrors of all horrors! And she’s not saying all of this stuff to me, she’s talking to my boss (who along with my other boss are the only people in the office right now who know that I’m having WLS) about it. She’s a fucking jackass.

So then today of course she has to talk about how she started the diet this weekend, didn’t drink and how she felt tired and blah, blah, blah. Fucking asshole, idiot. I can’t stand her. That’s probably the biggest pet peeve I have in the whole freaking world, is thin people complaining/whining about how they need to lose ten pounds. If/when I get to the point where I only have ten pounds left that I want to lose (please!) I will not be announcing it to the office, nor talking about it outloud, unless someone asks me specifically “hey how many pounds do you still want to lose?”, otherwise I’m not going to talk about it like a jackass in front of people, thin or not. ho, ho, ho and I’m not talking about Christmas.

My boss is great. Her boss is out on vacation till the 12th and so there’s only the two of us here left today, and she emailed me and said we should leave at 4 today, since the cat is away. yay! Very cool. I think I’m going to go home and start packing.

I need to make a shirt that says “shut up” and then wear it to work. ‘Cause this girl never ever shuts the hell up.

This morning I had my appointment with the surgeon at the WLS center. He arrived late because something came up, but while I was waiting the nurse manager got a call from my health plan saying that I was approved for the surgery! Usually people have to wait like weeks to find out, but I got an answer before I’d even seen the surgeon! Crazy. So then we set my surgery date for August 9th. That was such a relief, I was afraid I’d have to wait forever to find out, but now it’s all set. I’ve got the Pre-Op appointment with the surgeon , plus my Pre-Admit interview on that previous Friday (Aug. 6th) and then that Monday is the surgery… I’m nervous and excited and scared and excited all at the same time. Overall I’m looking forward to it. Of course I’m nervous and a lil scared of what could happen, but I feel that I’ll be well taken care of and that these people know what they’re doing. Oh and the really great part is that I don’t have to have that icky Endoscopic exam thing, where they stick the camera down your throat. I’m just having an Upper GI done, where you drink the icky dye stuff and they do an x-ray of your stomach. That’s perfectly fine with me

I also have to wait a couple weeks and then write my surgeon a letter telling him that I understand the procedure and all that it entails and that I really do want this surgery and that I’m ready for it. Which I already know that I am. I’ve been researching and thinking about this thing for so long that I’ve gone through the whole “should I or shouldn’t I” thing. I can say that now having been through those classes and heard & read stories that I have a different view on it than from when I first heard about it on TV or in magazines. It’s a whole lot tougher than you think. You have to make serious changes and really commit yourself to it all. I have no intention whatsoever of gaining any weight back, that would be a total slap in my face and the sugeons, that would be ridiculous.

In other news… I looove making a sandwhich in the cafeteria at work. I don’t know why I waited this long to make one. Soo freaking good. I used wheat bread, dijon mustard, ham, turkey, lettuce, cheese and tomato and it is soooo good. Why can’t I make a sandwhich like that at home?

So I cancelled the party I was going to have at the house on the third of july because I need to use all my money on moving. I got the 9th of July off so I can start moving stuff, and then move all the big heavy stuff on the 10th. I can’t wait for that. Which reminds me, I need to get a lottery ticket. Because how can you win if you don’t enter the contest? Exactly.

I wanna go to Aruba in October, although I probably won’t have the time (or money) to do it. John Mayer is playing out there and it would be soo frickin cool to go, but alas it shall remain a “cool thing to do” unless of course I win the lottery between now and then.

Yesterday was the Weight Loss Surgery Class, Dietician Class and meeting with the Psychotherapist.

First off, the Weight Loss Surgery Center is really nice and quiet which I like. It’s not all packed with people and crap. That was great. Overall the Mt. Diablo Medical Center is a nice hospital.

Anyway, I got there at 9am, and went to the Admitting Department to register. The woman who admitted me had had the surgery back in November! She’s lost 70 pounds so far. Then I went up to the WLSC and had to be “weighed-in” on one of those big scales that looks like a mini version of a truck stop scale. I can’t gain 5 or more pounds between now and my surgery date. If I do they’ll cancel the surgery. So I don’t think that that should be a problem, ’cause once I know what the exact date of surgery is I’ll be more vigilant about what I’m eating and stuff, and start working out again.

I was the youngest person in the classes. There were three other women there and they were either in their 40s or 50s. So when the subject of pregnancy came up that was targeted at me And the answer is that you can’t (er shouldn’t) get pregnant for 2 years after the surgery. After that there isn’t much research on the affect that the surgery would have on a pregnancy. So I guess that’s a bridge I’ll cross when I come to it. Worse comes to worse I’d hire a surrogate to carry MY baby. Ya know, my egg, my guys sperm, so that there’s nothing connecting her to my kid, except the fact that he lived in her for 9 (actually 10) months. But that’s worst case scenario.

Moving on… The first class the WLS class freaked me out a little bit. I was thinking “okay, I don’t have to do this”, but that was just from being overwhelmed with all the information on what you gotta do before & after the surgery. It’s a total life change and it’s hard to process all that and be okay with it in like an hour. The things that freaked me out were, 1) before the surgery they gotta do some tests and most of the time they do an endoscopic procedure that involves them sticking a camera down my throat to check out my stomach, not really looking forward to that. 2.) The new stomach pouch they create can have “leaks”, so after the surgery they make you drink some dye and then they x-ray your stomach to see if there’s any leakage. If it’s a small leakage it’ll heal itself, if it’s a big thing then they have to go back in and fix it, ech. 3.) When they create the new pouch they also create a little hole that attaches to your intestine, and that hole can get really tight, so sometimes they have to go back in an loosen it. yep, fun times people. Although out of the 185 surgeries they’ve done, only like 8 people have had to have it loosened.

Then there was the dietician class, which was cool, and slightly depressing at the same time because you kinda think of all things you gotta do and not eat. It’s not so much giving up fatty and fried foods as it is, thinking about the fact that you have to chew your food for a looong time, make sure you’re getting enough protein and always take your vitamins. None of those things are a “it would be good if you” they’re a “you HAVE to”… which is fine because I don’t want to get sick and I don’t want to vomit and crap like that. So overall I’m fine with all of it. I think it’ll be cool to live off of baby food for the first couple of weeks

So after that I had almost two hours to kill before my psychotherapy session. So I got lunch and then came back. The therapist was great. This will probably sound soo completely shallow but I love talking about myself. ha! I think therapists are cool, so that was the funnest part of my day. Her job was to determine if she had any concerns about me having the surgery. If I could psychologically handle it or not. I don’t have substance abuse issues and I’ve never been in a psych. ward so I passed all that without a problem. I don’t smoke either, which is great. I’ve got support from my family and friends, so that’s great. She said I was very “verbal” and that I have good “interpersonal skills”. So she said she thought I would be a great candidate.

Tomorrow morning is my “consultation” with the surgeon. I hope that all goes swimmingly. At this point the only thing that could stop me from having the surgery is a medical issue, and I better not have one. So now, at this appointment with the surgeon I’ll find out what tests I need to take, then take those, get the results then they’ll submit my info to my health plan. Then once they get the approval from the health plan they’ll schedule the surgery. The journey has only just begun.

I feel good about it, I believe that I’m doing the right thing for myself. It’s a big, huge life change that I’m going to have forever and that’s exactly what I want.

Yay! Everyone is gone. Time to goof off for an hour. Yesterday on my way home I had to pass by my soon to be “home” and I timed the drive from there to work. It took 11 minutes!! Yay! Although adding in morning traffic I’d say it’ll end up being 20 minutes. But that’s still a HUGE improvement over my current commute. That will be soo heavenly. Actually what will be better is when I’ll be working from HOME, with my own business! Now that will be more than heavenly, it’ll be orgasmic!

I gotta get out. It never, ever fails. It never, ever fails. I come back to work after a three-day weekend or even just a regular one and I am immediately smacked in the face with the fact that I do not want to be here anymore. I have my plan of course but it’s not going to come to fruition for a while yet.