I love, love, love the song that plays over the Garden State trailer. While I was at work today I heard it on the Yahoo Internet Radio station. It’s by a group called Frou Frou. So after work I immediately went over to Tower to buy it. Maybe being this close to Tower is a bad thing. Anywhoo. All I know is that I love that friggin song. It’s called “Let Go”. I barely heard the second song on the cd and I like that one too.

Off topic note: US Mens Volleyball players are hot. There’s this one guy, Brook Billings, that’s gorgeous. Seriously. Gorgeous.

Today was my first day back at work. Of course I hated having to go back. I think at like ten something I went in to talk to my boss to say “can I go home now?”. She let me under the expectation that I work from home. ech. If I don’t want to work there, I don’t want to work at home. Mostly it was because I have sooo many emotions right now. I mean I’ll see some sappy commercial or story about some athlete on the Olympics and I’m crying. I’ll cry even without warning. I think I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And now to make it worse, I’ve got cramps because my period is fastly approaching. So annoying.

So today, when I got home, I came up to my mom’s place to use her computer to “work”, which lasted all of like 2 minutes, until I realized that I needed to be at work to really do work, or else I’ll be like, uhm, I could be doing something for myself. So I went on Craigslist in my usual futile attempt to find some other “better” job. I came across this ad for Chipotle, they’re looking for a Local Store Marketing Coordinator for all of their stores in the Bay Area. So I sent in my resume. I had seen this ad before and sent it to myself, but with my surgery about to happen, I didn’t think it was a good time to do it, also thinking that I wouldn’t see the ad ever again. So I see it today and now I’m thinking, hmm, maybe I was meant to see that ad again and apply. So I’m thinking good thoughts about it. It would be nice to just get an interview. I think it’d be fun, even though at this point in time I can’t eat anything there, but once I’m free I’ll be able to eat some stuff, just not with the tortilla.

I know that I need to just get out of jobs for other people altogether. My FICO score is getting better since ditching the debt. I would love to just take out a big loan and quit my job and just start Superficial and probably Parting Gifts once I got Superficial up and running. Ah, that’d be sweet.

So I changed the date of my birthday party, it now includes Michele’s going away party as well. I’m thinking about getting food from the Mecca, ’cause it just sounds good and I’ll be able to eat the bean dip and/or refried beans. ohh.. maybe I could try the cheese enchiladas? hmm.. I’m still up in the air on that, I want party platters and stuff.. so whatever it’ll be good..

My boss said that she could see the weight loss, in my face mostly. I see it there too, but I also see it in my wrist and my fingers. It’s like being an alien or something, or some superhero going through a metamorphosis.

I had my first post-op checkup with my surgeon today. My official weight loss as of today is 18 pounds, which is just awwesome.

They’ve allowed me to move on to the next stage of food, they said to be gradual with it. It’ll be a month though before I can try to eat chicken. grrr. But it was very cool to be able to eat cheese & crackers just now. Heavenly. You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. That’s for sure. I feel so much better knowing that I have a bigger variety of foods to eat. As the nurse was talking about stuff that I can eat, I was salivating. She said mashed potatoes and gravy and I was freaking out inside! Yay! Of course it’ll be like 3 bites of it, but still something is waaaaaay better than nothing. All of this makes me less nervous about eating at work too ’cause I can have lunch meat, tuna fish salad, although I probably wouldn’t eat tuna fish salad. It’s nice to know it’s an option. There’s other stuff that I can have too, but I don’t have the list with me.

Today has been pretty good so far. I got to drive my mom’s car ’cause she wanted me to drop her off at BART, so after I did that I took it to Tower and got the Ryan Cabrera cd, which is purdy good so far. Oh and I got Lisa Loeb’s latest, plus Damien Rice’s “B-Sides”, so I’m excited about listening to those.

Kimmie Gibler never fails to irk me. I think the only way to get her to not talk to me about anything not related to work would be for me to actually say to her “Look, I just don’t like you”. That’s super harsh and I would never say that, but damn I wish I could.

She sent me an email today, to my work email. The subject line was: Seeing you soon.

Here’s the email itself:

Hey there Valli!

See you next week!
Kim

Ok, so who said that I was “getting excited to get back to work”? If my boss Deb said that, then she’s a looney tune, because I would NEVER say that to anyone there. The only reason I want to go back is so I’ll have something to do during the day, so I can stop thinking about all the food I can’t eat anymore. She’s such a freak… I seriously need to get something that says “leave me alone”, and I know I’m going to be feeling that way when I get back because they’re all going to have shit for me, not to mention all the crap that’s going to be backed up since I was gone.

This is beyond frustrating. I think it’s worse to know exactly where you are in your life, know exactly what you need in order to change what’s wrong with it, but not be able to do anything about it as fast as you would like to. That’s me right now.

But oh welly.. I just wanna get back to as much normalcy as possible right now and get on with everything.

Being at home everyday isn’t necessarily the greatest thing in the world. It’s not like, for the majority of the time, I’ve been feeling perfect and have had the ability to do things outside. So I’m inside all day, bored. As sad and sick as it sounds going back to work will be a good thing, only because it’ll give me something to do. Of course I would rather be working from home, running my businesses than go back to work at that nutty place and have to deal with those whiny babies called “salespeople”.

I just feel like I’m not getting anything done being here. Like I’m not moving forward somehow. I can’t wait to be off this pain medication. It’s so nasty now, after taking it for so long, I’m so sick of it. The pain has pretty much subsided, I hope today is the day that it finally goes away for good. Plus I’m not supposed to drive if I’m on pain meds, ’cause it causes drowsiness. But I think I should be good for Monday.

It’s such a weird feeling to be looking forward to work, but also not, at the same time. Those people at work are so annoying, but it is my source of income so I need it.

While I was in the hospital some asshole used my check card number online to buy something from beijing.com. Whatever the hell that is. So I had to call it in and they closed my checking account, stopped my card, etc. So I’m waiting for my new card and account number. Such a pain in the arse.

I sent out invites for my birthday party/general party. I might change the date, ’cause FT might be recording at that time and wouldn’t be able to come to the shindig. Which would reeealy suck. So I’m trying to find out when they think they’d actually be leavin, so maybe I could do it before they go. We shall see. Even if they can’t come it’ll still be a good party. Although I’m praying that my couch will be here in time, ’cause if it’s not then I might have to postpone the party till it is here. I dunnoo…

So by my calculations I have lost 13 pounds since the day of the surgery. I haven’t weighed myself yet today tho. Carnie Wilson was right though, it is like xmas morning everyday stepping on the scale now to see how much you’ve lost. Although anyone who says that this surgery is the “easy way out” is a complete nut and has no idea what is involved. These past two weeks (well almost two weeks) have been shitty. I can barely even enjoy the weight that I’ve lost because I’m still dealing with the pain, the weird grumbling in my intestines and the fact that my diet has consisted of broth, jello, applesauce, water, creamed soups, malt-o-meal, all of which I am completely sick of now. I’ve been literally mourning food, all those great things that I used to eat so freely and easily. Once I’m on Stage III foods, I’ll be able to eat a lot more stuff, and then eventually I’ll be able to eat whatever, within certain parameters. I’ve been thinking about all the stuff that I used to eat and what I’ll be able to eat now, and if any of those things are the same. Like Chipotle, I’ll definitely have to kiss the burritos good bye, but I could have a burrito bol, which is everything in the burrito except for the tortilla. I’ll have to cut out the rice, but I’m hoping that I’ll be able to eat lettuce without any issues. I never thought that lettuce would be such a huge thing, but it is. I remember some people at the support group saying that they couldn’t eat lettuce and some could. So I hope I’m in the “can eat lettuce” group.

So my birthday is coming up and I’m not sure what to think about it. I’m happy, but not haha.. I’ll be 24, but birthdays are no longer what they were when you were 6 or 7. The world gets in your way now. I don’t even care about presents, ’cause its not about that anymore. It seems like there should be more to it, your birthday, but maybe there just isn’t? It might just be that there are so many other things going through my head, things that I want to do, accomplish that birthdays aren’t that important to me.

That’s how I like to think of hospitals. Medical Spa’s… Seriously. Everybody does everything for you, taking care of you. You get room service, they put those stalking things on ya to make sure you don’t get any blood clots. Of course its a medical spa when you’re going in there for something positive.

I had surgery on Monday, got out Wednesday. This is the beginning of a new lifestyle for me. One day I’ll be a little more than half of the girl that I am now. I’m looking forward to all of it. Mostly at this point I’m just looking forward to eating regular food again. Creamed chicken soup is only good the first fifty times you eat it. You’d think that once I got home I’d get to just chill out and watch crappy daytime tv, but noo, I’ve gotta walk, make sure I take my vitamins and eat protein. It’s work, but well worth it all.

As the Olympics are about to begin, I am reminded of how friggin hot male swimmers are. The male swimmers body is just a pure and complete work of art. Gorgeous.

I’ve managed to get 48 people to sign up as interested in going to Aruba for the Aruba Music Festival where John Mayer will be performing. 48 peeps, I had no idea. Turns out that my site, johnmayerfans.com has a mailing list with over 1800 people on it. At some point I’m going to use it to promote Fingertight, of course

Lets see, what else is there to say. I go back to work on the 23rd, so until then I’m just taking one day at a time. My birthday is on the 31st and I really, really want to have a party at my place, but I’m not sure when to have it…