I accidentally watched the Princess Diana tape thingy that was on Dateline last night.

I hate the fact that even after her death, that was caused by the media, they’re still exploiting her and her life in the media. But in her video tape she said something that kinda rung true to me. She said that when she was young, before she met Prince Charles, that she knew that something profound would happen in her life, that she was meant for something big. She always felt different, like something huge was going to happen. I’ve often felt the same way. Now I’m not saying that I think I’m going to marry a prince or something, but I definitely feel like I’m meant for a WHOLE lot more than crap work at a corporate website.

I think that I’m not going to try to find any guys online anymore. I’m done with the whole thing. It’s frustrating and annoying and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I feel like I’m powerless in all of it, forever liking someone who’s not interested in me. So in order to stop the cycle I’m just not going to be a part of it anymore.

Still in the job search mode. I told my boss that I was looking for another job, and could understand where I was coming from. He’s allowed me to use him as a reference, which is great. Roxy and Kimmie still annoy the hell out of me. I can’t stand them.

I hope that I find a job that fits what I’m looking for, I really, really hope that I find it. I can’t take more of those “women”. I’d really like to get the Exec. Asst. position I interviewed for last week. It’s a small place just starting out and it’d be great to be there from the beginning basically. It’s in SF, but the parking is free. I’m so impatient. I’m so impatient for stuff like this, when I really want something, it sucks to wait for it to materialize.

I’m officially poor for xmas. I have no idea what I’m getting everybody. Totally sucks big time.

Lets end on a positive note thought… hmmm if I got the job in berkeley then I could go to lunch with Kirk. That’d be coolio.

I had my 3-month check up with my surgeon this morning. I have lost a total of 61 pounds since the surgery in August. Yay… so I still need to lose 70 more to be at my goal weight.

So get this…. I told my mom about Scott, this 33 year old guy that I’ve been talking to, and she thinks that 33 is way too old for me. I had no idea that she would think that’s too old. I mean ok so it’s a 9 year age difference but it’s not that big a deal. Besides we’ve only just started talking to each other so it’s not like I’m marrying him tomorrow. Although even if I was, I still wouldn’t think that’s a big deal. My mom is funny sometimes. Apparently 30 is as high as she would go.

I need a more mature guy anyway. I just think I do. It’d be nice to be with someone who’s more settled and has things figured out, especially the whole knowing what he wants to do with his life, job, etc.

Yay, I get to go right now. I’ve got a hair appointment at 5, and then I gotta rush home ’cause I’m starving. Totally craving a Lean Cuisine. I love those things.. I highly reccomend the Chicken Carbonara and Glazed Chicken.

I have no idea, I have no idea.

It looks like I’ll be meeting Kevin tomorrow. I have an interview in Berkeley at 2pm. So the plan is to meet up after that. I cancelled my interview at the contractor co in foster city. Even if I got it it’d just be too far away. ugh.

I’m looking forward to the Berkeley interview because it looks like it could be a fun place to work. At least that’s what the woman I’d be working for sounds like, and it’s what she said. We shall see. I’ve already basically called in “sick”, and I hate doing that. I just always feel like they know I’m lying or something.

Am talking to Kirk right now and he’s making me a Moderator on the new FT boards, yay. I feel flushed with power.. ok not really, but I’m still happy I get to be a Mod and tell people where to go when they act up. hehe…

So as I embark on this job hunt there have been moments where I have felt guilty about leaving my current position.

Like today for example. I’m here wearing dress pants, dress shoes and a nice top. I never dress like this at work so it’s obvious I’m up to something. I already have my “excuse” ready if someone acts like a nosey-ho and asks me why I’m dressed like this today. It’s because I’m going out with friends right after work and I didn’t want to go home to change. Which is half true. I am meeting up with Jamie and people from high school after work although we’re going bowling so there’s no need to be wearing this. Anyway, yesteray I got an interview set up for today at 5:30. Which means that I have to cancel my hair appointment that I had for today. Which totally sucks. But it’s an “Office Manager” position and it would be really nice to have “manager” in my title for once, and the job is in Walnut Creek, so my commute wouldn’t be much longer than it is now. Wish me luck. I really just want to give a great interview. Which reminds me I gotta refresh my memory on good questions to ask.

Yesterday I talked to this woman who saw my resume ad on Craigslist and she asked if I had any questions and I only had two at that point. It wasn’t the official interview anyway. She’s supposed to call me to set that up once her boss is available. She sounded really cool and nice and relaxed. She really liked my ad. The job is in Berkeley for a high-end sound/music equipment company. It’s a small company and she guaranteed me that there was no way I could ever be bored in that position. It’s a “front office” position, I loved how she said she hated to call it a “receptionist” position because there was more to it than just that, you pitch in everywhere I guess. I’m all for not being bored. Which is what I am now.

I have another interview on Monday, which I am going to tell my boss is actually a “dentist appt”. The only reason I’m going to this interview is because they went through the trouble of sending me this folder with information on the company and their benefits and an application I have to fill out. I hate filling out applications. But at least I get to do it at home so it’ll be accurate. The HR person who sent the folder also send her business card, it’s like the nicest business card I’ve ever seen. So I know that if I got hired I’d have great business cards, and they’ve got this great benefit. They’ve got condos in different locations in California that you can reserve. How cool is that? Not to mention tickets to all the sports teams in the Bay Area.

I just want a fun job to get me over until I can work for myself. When you break it all down, that’s what I want. I saw this great ad for a job at the Metreon in their brand & marketing dept as an admin. asst. but you get to help out with all these cool events and stuff. That’d be sweeet. But of course I kinda fudged my application, fudged meaning that I sent it in twice with two versions of my resume attached, and I forgot to send my salary history the first time and so I sent it all again. It was a mess, but I hope they overlook that and realize that I’m the person they need and they should call me asap.

I feel like I’ve been asleep for a really long time. All of a sudden now I’m interviewing and what not people have been asking me why I left Maui and it’s been kind of hard to answer. ‘Cause I’m even asking myself why I left. I know that I wasn’t happy and that certain people pissed me off, but I did have a good situation in terms of the work. I basically owned those programs, knew them in and out and coordinated all of it. I was the point person and especially knowing now that they fired Sue, it irks me ’cause if she hadn’t been there when I was there I would of been happier. haa. All I know is that I want to try and find that again. Except without the crappy boss.