In an effort to not be completely negative about the people that I have to work with on a daily basis I will say this about them, they are smart in certain areas, they know how to sell things. I would just like that to be said for the record, so it’s known that I don’t think they’re complete idiots, they do have good qualities I’m sure, ’cause I know that there are people in their lives that actually want them around.

Today I had an interview in Emeryville at a graphic design/marketing firm for an Office Manager position. I think it went really well, she asked me to come back for a second interview with another person. That should take place next week. The only annoying thing about a second interview is that I have to come up with a second interview outfit. It’s bad enough I had to buy new dress pants, I think I’ll just get a new top or see what I can put together out of the stuff I already have, which isn’t much.

After the interview I went home, changed clothes and then came in to work. I got here and the door to our office area was closed, which means that no one had been here or was still here. So I’ve been here alone since I got here at like 11:45am. It’s weird. I like it and all but it just adds to my urgency to leave. It doesn’t feel like I’m apart of anything here. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate roxy and kimmie, but it’s even more boring when no one is here. I don’t feel like doing anything ’cause there’s no one here to motivate me to even fake like I am.

I just hope this time goes by quickly and I’m given a job offer very soon. I can’t take it here, it’s so just lame. I don’t get how people can be so dense.

That’s how I felt this morning. I was actually ok until I got in to work, turned on AIM and Kirk started talking about how he’s depressed. His job is stifling him and he totally doesn’t want to be there. Everything he was saying was something that I have said many, many times over. It’s such a sad situation, to have talent and passion to do something but completely cut off from it.

In other news… Why are people such idiots? Why is it so freaking cold in this building? UGH! This feels horrible. My toes are numb. I hope the oracle is right and I get a job offer asap. I need to get out of here and into something better, if only for my mental health.

The new bosses are coming in tomorrow to visit all of us and I’m not looking forward to it at all.

I have one solid interview happening next Monday, and then one possibly to be scheduled for next Wednesday.

They’re both more somewhat aligned with things that I’m interested in.. the first is being the “studio assistant” at this artist guys studio. He makes big, high-end (seriously like $30,000 for one piece) sculptures for people, companies, etc. The other job is at a web marketing company. They basically redo company websites to make them look better/easier to use. It’s an Exec. Asst. job.

The job that I have now sucks, it’s boring, it’s super corporate. When I talked to the woman this morning about the exec. asst. job she grilled me about my job changes, why I left each one. That’s a question I hate to answer. She said that she would call me back to let me know what time my interview would be at next week, but she said it in such a way like “I think you’d be good enough to bring in for an interview”, was harsh to me. It bothers me. I don’t want to be thought of as just “ok”, or well “we might as well bring her in, who knows”, that just annoys me.

I need to psych myself up for these interviews, and make sure I’m prepared, otherwise my apathy with show through. It’s much easier to be psyched up for something that you really want. It’s a little difficult to be like “yea, I’m so excited to be your bitch!” haha..

I’m just in a weird place right now. I desperately want out of this situation I’m in right now. But I want to make sure that the next job that I’m in is one that really suits me, some place that I’ll be happy in.

How did this ever get so complicated?

We just met with the CEO of the company that I work for. What a total waste of an hour. Lame.

A.) He kept calling our producer Steve, his name is Harry… B.) At the end of the meeting he says “this is best part of my job, meeting all of you”, whatever, we all know that’s not true, and if it is, why don’t you do it more often?? C.) I told him that the company doesn’t have one page that lists all of the links to all of the websites we have to use on a daily basis, to which he gives me this laundry list of all these other major things they’re working on, which is stupid, because I could make the page I’m talking about in 5 minutes and I could update it on a regular basis, all of which wouldn’t take me more than an hour a week to do (besides the fact that the links I’m talking about never change). whatever.

I’m sure not all CEO’s suck. This guy tho, just bugs me. For all the questions that I asked I don’t think that I got like one good answer back. Its like executives are never actually at the places that they work at, and if they are they’re thinking about high level stuff. I dunno… It doesn’t really get me fired up about working here. I have no idea what we do. I know, I know, we get news out to people and help them sell their crap, but it’s so like eh.. unless I’m a writer or creating something useful on the site then I could give a rats ass.

The only good thing that happened was at the beginning of the meeting my boss told the ceo dude that I was an “admin from heaven” … hehe.. That was good, and in front of gibler too. But alas, not nearly enough to get me to stay in this pit. And especially not since they’ve done this restructuring. I’ll have a new boss on April 1st, who’s in San Jose. I totally am not in the mood for a new boss.

All I want to do right now is make more money and work at a place that is comfortable and fun, where I’ll be challenged and there will be enough new things to do so I won’t be bored out of my mind. ‘Cause I really just need a place to hang until after I buy a condo and can take out the equity, which is going to take some time, so this next job move has to be a really good one.

Sweet, just talked to this woman from this restaurant group about a marketing assistant position. I had talked to her about it like last month or so but the salary range they had at that time was entry level and too low for me. So I just let it go, but she left me a message today saying that they had re-thunk the position and decided to up the pay level, so I talked to her for a bit and she set up a telephone interview for tomorrow with the marketing director. And if all of that goes well then I’ll get to go in for a face to face interview with like everybody at their office. There’s 13 people there, so that would be very interesting. From talking to that woman about the postion I’m really interested now. Which is great, ’cause it makes it easier to talk to this next person tomorrow that much easier. yay

I keep staring at the flowers that I bought. They’re beautiful and I don’t want them to die.

I’ve been alone that past couple of days. It feels wrong and right all at the same time.

Tomorrow has come all too fast for me. Another interview in the morning, another interview for something that is no where near what I want.

There is pain here. There is pain here and I don’t know when it’s ever going to go away.

I could reach out to him but would he be able to recognize that?

I would love to tell him that I understand and that he’ll make it through all of this, that there is so much more than what he’s going through right now.

His addiction is his pain relief but it relieves nothing, it only creates more pain.

I don’t know him and I don’t know him and I probably never will.

He knows that I’m alive but he just doesn’t care. I don’t hate him for that, I just wish it wasn’t true.