Last night I went to Blake’s in Berkeley to see Matt’s band perform. They put on a really good show. They have a good band and a lot of real potential.

I did really well seeing Matt again. I didn’t clam up and not talk. I was easy-going and happy and nice. He dyed his hair black and was wearing black eyeliner. All of the guys in the band were wearing eyeliner, except for the drummer. He looked cute, but different. I walked past him like 4 times and totally didn’t recognize him.

Everything was ok until the end. Although I shouldn’t make it sound like it was horrible when he walked me to my car and we talked. It’s not like he said anything new, things are still the same. He’s still trying to figure out if he wants to get back with his ex or not. He says that I shouldn’t assume things. I shouldn’t assume that he’ll get back with her. But I feel like I basically have to think that he will in order to move on with my life in basic terms. I am by no means cutting myself off from the possibilty of other guys if they come along, ’cause believe me if some hot dude came up to me and wanted to go out I’d be all over that. At the same time though I have the little window of hope open that he’ll get over her and come back to me. That I can’t deny. I want him to make a decision asap, and I know his ex does too, so hopefully he’ll figure it out soon. They’re going back to Arcata today, and they’ll be home for a lil over a week before they come back down for another show in Foster City. I already know that if he gets back with her before that show, I’m defintely not going. I don’t know if I’d go if he hadn’t made a decision by then. It’s like what’s the point. I mean yea I like the band, but to go there and see him and not be able to touch him or be affectionate would just suck.

I’m just trying to get through these days. Work is annoying. I try to do as little as possible, but still do actual work. These aren’t hard things to do, but the longer I’m here the more they’ll give me and the more they’ll expect. And I don’t want that. I want to leave. I want to find a new job, one that fits for right now. I know I’ll find it and I know that it’ll be sooner rather than later. So lets lay it out, what job do I want.

- A full-time, salaried, benefited position
- Routine, daily work
- Interaction with people that doesn’t require me to sell or convince them on/of anything
- Is in a location that is close to Starbucks, a variety of eateries and/or my home.
- A small to large office filled with at least a small group of people within or near my age group
- A company that makes something or provides a service that I can understand and actually care about.
- I need my own cubicle or space that isn’t shared with my supervisor. A place where I can play my music at a reasonable sound level.

Hmm, that’s all I’ve got right now. I can’t believe I’m functioning on only 4 hours of sleep.

So what was the best part of my day today? It was lunchtime. I got a whopper with cheese from Burger King, that I only had exactly 4 bites of, and then went down to the marina area. I parked my car, kept the stereo on and read the new book I just bought, Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner.