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I know it’s not true. I know that I am worthy and capable of love, and that one day I’ll be in a relationship that reflects that. It’s just that it’s easy to remember the past, and it’s not even just about the romantic relationships I’ve had. I think of my biological father who basically abandoned me.

I know that that wasn’t my fault. I really, really do, but I can’t help but feel it sometimes. And sometimes you need to be able to get that out of your head. The song below does that for me, it gets it out so that I can move on to the positive thoughts.

“Tapes” by Alanis Morissette

“I am someone easy to leave”
“Even easier to forget”
a voice, if inaccurate

Again: “I’m the one they all run from”
Diatribes of clouded sun
Someone help me find the pause button

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc

“I’m too exhausting to be loved”
“a volatile chemical”
“best to quarantine and cut off”

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc

“I’m but thorn in your sweet side”
“You are better off without me”
“It’d be best to leave at once”

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my heard aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc