war of my life

by Valli

So it’s that time of the year when I start to evaluate where I am in my life and I get seriously nervous. There’s something more for me out there that I can’t seem to grasp. It’s kind of annoying to have this constant thick layer of frustration in my life that I would I like to get rid of or at least wipe down to just a very, very, very thin glaze.

I’ve been listening to the latest John Mayer CD “Battle Studies” a lot lately. Mostly because it’s just amazingly good music and then because some of the songs relate to me now and in this moment. I’m turning 30 this year and while I know I’m still “young” and I’ve accomplished some things, there’s so much more and I feel like time is slipping through my fingers and I don’t want to let that happen.

I remember telling someone once a couple years ago that the idea of just getting rid of the majority of the stuff I own and traveling and writing really appealed to me. I remember they said that if that’s what I wanted to do then I should do it. As if it’s that easy. 🙂 But now I’m thinking, maybe it is that easy? There’s a clear starting point for this kind of idea, a date that I could set my sights on to get it started and honestly, I’m really, deeply considering it. I don’t feel like I’ve taken that risk, or taken that leap and I want to do that. What am I waiting for? What am I choosing if I don’t do anything and continue to do just what I am right now? I feel like I’d be choosing mediocrity and setting myself up to live by someone else’s rules. I need to push my agenda.

I’m tired of crying frustrated, sad, and “what am I really doing here?” tears. I want to cry happy, wondrous, and “wow, this is soooo much fun!” tears.

It’s a battle and like the song says, I won’t give up.

(lyrics after the jump)

War Of My Life by John Mayer

Come out angels
Come out ghosts
Come out darkness
Bring everyone you know

I’m not running and I’m not scared
I am waiting
And well prepared

I’m in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there’s nowhere to run

I’ve got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I gotta know right now which walls to smash
I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn’t killed me yet, then nothing will

All the suffering and all the pain
Never left a name

I’m in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there’s nowhere to run

I’m in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight ’til it’s done

No more suffering, no more pain
Never again

I’m in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there’s nowhere to run

I’m in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight ’til it’s done

So fight on
Fight on everyone
Fight on
Got no choice but to fight ’til it’s done

I won’t give up
I won’t run
I won’t stop for anyone