I’m running on 4 hours of sleep. When you’re only living on 4 hours of sleep and the last time you ate real food was like over 12 hours ago the last thing in the world you want to do is come to work. Even if you love your job you’d still probably not want to come in, so the fact that this isn’t a job that I love makes it all the more worse.

Anyway. Last night was the John Mayer concert in Fresno. Our seats were fucking unbelievable. He was soo close. I got a bunch of photos and I’m hoping that they come out really well. I think I’m going to drop it off at Rite Aid and ask for a photo cd eventhough I know those fuckers won’t actually make it.

So after the show was over Elise and I waited outside where all the busses come out to see if Mayer would come out and sign autographs. To make a long and boring story short the butthead never did. The only consolation was that a couple of the guys from Maroon 5 came out and were really nice to everyone. I didn’t get anything signed ’cause I didn’t feel it was that important. It was just cool to see them and how they were with their fans.

We went to the meet and eat before the show and that was really cool. It was fun to put names with faces and talk n stuff.

I’m kinda diggin the mood I’m in right now. I’m pissed and tired and I don’t want to be here so that gives me so much more to say. Or at least motivates me to write.

This Saturday is the FT show and the party. I’m not sure if I’m really looking forward to it. Actually I am. I just want it to be over and done. The part that I’m really looking forward to is the hotel room and getting to stay there instead of at home. It’s fun to sleep elsewhere even if it is just PHill.

Can I just say again for the record how much I would rather be elsewhere. These people drive me insane sometimes. Especially my boss, she’s so much like the sales rep I don’t like very much. Can’t figure shit out for herself. I can’t stand that.

There’s something about John Mayer’s song “Tracing” that just speaks to me. I know that sounds really, really cheesy but it’s true. It goes deeper than that. There’s something so relaxed and normal and comforting about it. He’s so good. I want to be that good.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t written in this thing for a few days. I would always go to write something at work and then I’d come up with some other idea/thing I needed to do and I’d go do that and of course forget what I wanted to write about. I totally run myself around in circles at work. I come up with all these thoughts and all these things that I remind myself that I need to do and I wanna do them all at that one moment. Of course that doesn’t work because you can’t do more than one thing at a time. I really need to write all this stuff down and just take things one step at a time. I wanna do the clothing company thing, I wanna do the band promotions thing.

And Jamie if you’re reading this I totally need to write you back! eek! I promise I will either today or tomorrow or monday, I will My boss is on vacation all next week so I won’t have her walking by checking to see if I’m having too much fun on AIM, for a while.

So Friday was the last day for our real estate sales rep. She quit ’cause she felt like it wasn’t right for her, which is cool, but I liked her in general and it sucks to know that I’ll have to help out some new person learn how we do everything, yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, we had lunch together at the picnic tables outside, eating the leftover sandwhich stuff I brought in for the potluck the day before. We talked about what she was going to do, how the company was fucked up in some ways, blah, blah, blah. I told her how I put up that ad on Craigslist and how I got a response from this personal/director’s assistant who needs to find a replacement for herself. Before Friday the last email I got from her told me that their producer had someone in mind for the job but ultimately it was up to the Director, but she was going to keep me posted. So I told Wendy (Real Esate Sales Rep who’s leaving) all this and she thought it sounded cool and I was like yea, and then we started talking about coincidences and the Deepak Chopra book on cd that I’ve been listening to, and how all coincidences mean something. So we finished lunch eventually and went back to “work”, like ten minutes after being back at my desk I get an email from the personal assistant girl saying that the person the producer had in mind couldn’t do the job ’cause they didn’t have a car and could only work part-time, and they need someone who has a car and can work full-time. In a previous email I told her that I would be down in L.A. Valentines weekend through Monday. So she asked if we could meet up on that Monday, the 16th. So it looks like I’m going to be interviewing for the job.

I feel all weird about the whole thing. The thing that has me worried, or something, I’m not sure what emotion I’m feeling right now, is that the base pay is half of what I’m making now, which is absolutely insane and I could never live on that, even if I lived with my sister. So they would have to up it. But I’m like I don’t even know if they’ll offer me the job or if I’ll even want it after I meet them. It’s all up in the air and I guess I don’t like that feeling. The feeling of the unknown. I dunnoo, this is all really weird and complex in my head and I don’t know why. When I first got that email from her I was all excited and looking forward to it, now I’m all nervous and eeked out. Eventhough I know it’s no biggy. I mean even if I don’t get it, I still have plans I have tons of stuff that I can do. So it’s just a little interview that’s all, just a meeting with people to talk about a job. I don’t have to agree to anything.

I’ve been talking to Richard, er, Richy everyday at work on AIM. It just occured to me that we talk everyday online. Except for weekends, but I did talk to him today. We’ve even talked over the phone a handful of times and it’s been really fun. He’s a good guy and I like who he is in every way. I need to get that book, “The Book of Questions” so I’ll always have a question to ask him. He says I don’t talk enough. Ohhh… I can use that Kokology book on him. Good idea.

I’m exercising tonight after a super long hiatus. I really need to get back into the swing of things. I’ve maintained the weight that I’ve lost so I’m happy about that, but of course I want do more. Especially with the JM show coming up in couple weeks and then the FT show the week after that. I know I’m not going to hit my goal in three weeks but at least I’ll feel more confident because I am losing something. Which reminds me, I need to order that hoodie for the fingertight show… I still don’t know what to get on it. I’ve come to just getting FT Fan Club, but of course the FT will be spelled out. I dunno. I wanna get something cool. So maybe I’ll just get the “sissies are cool” hoodie instead.

Hmm… stuff to think about.

So after having yet another tearful crying session with my mom about my life and the direction I want it to take I did several things. Well first I should say the whole crying thing was on my part, because when I get to these points when I feel like I can’t take it anymore I feel like my life is crashing down on me and that I’m no where near where I want to be, I just have to talk to my mom in the hopes that it’ll help and basically I just have to have my cry out.

Ok, that was a serious run on sentence right there. Anyway. My mom did the usual “go back to college” song and dance. I wish she would stop ’cause it’s so not going to happen. I’m determined to get what I want without that damn degree. But she did say something good. She said that I haven’t really searched out all the possibilties and really talked to someone who’s doing what I want to do and asked them how I could get into it. So to pick up where I started this entry at, after I had my cry and we talked I went to Barnes & Noble, got a bunch of business magazines (to re-engergize) a new “chik lit” book (to zone out) and a book on CD by Dr. Deepak Chopra about “coincidences” and how to listen to them (to help me relax). Then I went to the Vitamin Shoppe (as I like say “vitamin shoppeeeeeeeeeee”) and got some Echincea ’cause I felt like I was getting sick, and then over to the new Jamba Juice for my first ever Jamba Powerboost, which was a total boost and pretty yummy. Now if only they had a drive thru like Starbucks.

Anyway… after I did all that I came back home and went on Craigslist and wrote this ad for the Los Angeles resumes section.

Shallow, Superficial Super Personal Assistant Available
——————————————————————————–
Reply to: valli_krd@yahoo.com
Date: Sat Jan 24th 05:04

I’m not actually shallow or superficial but I thought that might get a laugh.

At any rate, I am a smart young woman with tons of admin work experience in varied fields. Unfortunately for me the one field that I haven’t delved into has been the entertainment industry, and wouldn’t you know it that’s the one place I want to be the most.

Aside from the administrative work experience that I’ve had, I’ve also worked with local bands, producing shows. My work can be viewed at www.playgroundpresents.com

What my work with The Playground proves is that I know how to organize - people, places & things. And I know how to do it well and without pissing off cops. (in case you require that type of thing, I don’t know, maybe you do) Seriously, I live to organize, to make things run better, faster and more efficiently. Couldn’t we all use a little of that in our lives?

One of the bands that I’ve worked with (and continue to) has gone on to be signed by Columbia Records, they’re called Fingertight (and they’re an awesome band btw)

At work, I’m always the person people ask for help when they don’t know how to spell a word, or how to use a particular computer program. I possess intelligence, a sense of humor, perfectionist tendencies and a strong dose of common sense.

I currently live in Northern California but am willing and able to move to Los Angeles for the right position. I’m not going to lie and beat around the bush, you don’t have the time to waste and neither do I. This is my life and I want to be happy and have as much fun as possible. What this means is that I want to have a job that I love, within an industry that I love. What this also means is that I’m not going to fool around and not do a great job. I want to do a phenomenal job and help people.

You want someone you can trust and communicate with and feel like you’re getting your ideas across. Did I mention that I’m an incredible communicator? That’s mostly because I get what you’re trying to do, I get that you don’t want to have to tell someone something over and over again. I get that you want to save time.

So if you’re looking for someone to be your right hand, your gal friday, then send me an email (valli_krd@yahoo.com) and I’ll send you the official version of my resume.

If you’re not interested in hiring me (why not??) I am interested in meeting people who are either in this kind of position already or are trying to hire someone, and talking to them about how to get into this kind of work.

——-the end———

I love what I wrote. It’s pretty funny if I do say so myself. I’ve had one response so far from someone who wanted a picture and my resume. Weird. I didn’t give either of course. I wrote ‘em back and asked him what they wanted them for, you know in consideration for what?? I’m going to delete it and post it again on monday when people are back at work or whatever lookin’ for fabulous peeps like me.

Can I just say here and now that I don’t like the version of the song “why don’t you and I” by Santana with Alex Band from The Calling? I hate his vocals on it and I much prefer Chad Kroeger’s.. they’re sooo much better…

That’s pretty much all that I wanted to say.. Oh and that I had a fantabulous dream about Dale Earnhardt Jr. the other night. Okay, it wasn’t the greatest actually. It started crappy and ended crappy but the middle was good. So I’m this place, I don’t know where really for sure, I don’t think it was a race but maybe. Anyway he was there and there were all these blonde, stick figure girls around and around him and I was of course “ew gag me”. So I thought all hope was lost of him ever wanting to get with me, then somehow we come together and he’s totally into me and we’re making out and it’s great. Then at the end I’m like “You’re just so intoxicating” (I told my mom I said that she’s like “what did he say? ‘that’s the cheesiest line I’ve ever heard’, my mom’s a nut) to which he didn’t say anything but then something happened to where I wasn’t who he thought I was like physically, and he had to go ’cause he was supposed to be with one of the blonde stick figures. So I was like fucking A! Strangely enough I’m not and was not (in the dream) mad about it. I was sad but I felt like he could come back or that he would come back. Weirdness. I was just happy that I finally have a dream where I kiss Dale Jr.

I’m out now because there’s this documentary/show thingy coming on about Nascar and Dale Jr that VH1 did, hehe.. I’m tivo’ing it and then it’s Golden Globe time! woo-hoo!

I went to the show last night. It was awesome. There were soo many people there, way more than I’d ever seen at imusicASS before. Elise and I got there at 8 which was when the first band was on and there was already a crap load of people there. We saw Kirk outside and our hopes for another appearance on the guest list were dashed. Dshots was set to go on second which was totally lame. I saw Dan when we walked in and of course got a hug. That guy is so freaking solid and totally cute as usual. At some point right before Dshots went on I ran into Angela. She lost 80 pounds! I was soo completely jealous. She looked really good though. She hadn’t been to a FT show in like a year or something, and she brought her friend from school who had only heard FT on cd and never in person, and she loves them, so she got to meet Kirk and she cried. So funny. So anyway we kinda hung with them throughout the night, ’cause Angela and her friend, Jane, are smokers and so is Elise so we’d all go out to the “patio” area and talk. We talked about doing shows, John Mayer and the party that I had where I got insanely drunk. So Angela wants to have a party, she went and asked Jesse and Kirk if they’re going to be around they said they’d be here through february, they’re trying to get a tour starting in March. We can’t have the party at my house because my mom is being a major butthead and won’t leave if I have a party, she wants to stay in her room. So annoying… It’s one friggin night.

Anyway… So I saw all the guys. Sergio gave me one of the beanies for free.. hehe. yay. I got the cd sampler from dshots. They’re releasing the full length cd in March, I think. After the show, I was waiting for Elise who was talking to Jesse about what they were doing after the show. Anyway I think I was talking to Angela or something when Kirk came around and tapped me on the shoulder and was like “this show was soo much better than Vacaville” and I was like “oh yes, definitely!” After Elise was done talking to Jesse we went outside and talked to Sergio, who’s brother is the spittin’ image of him, oh my gosh, super cute Anyway, then Dan came out again and came over and talked to all of us. Dshots is going on tour with some band that we’ve never heard of and they’re playing a date in L.A. so I was asking when it was ’cause I’m going down there for the Ellen taping but they’re going to be there on the 5th or something, so that’s not going to happen. No Las Vegas date yet. Somewhere in all of that I mentioned how I was hoping John Mayer will pop up on the Ellen show when I’m there and Dan goes “you like John Mayer?” and I’m like yes!, and he’s all “I could get something signed by him for you” and I’m like “how??”, They have the same lawyer, and the lawyer is always telling Dan he hasta go ’cause he’s gotta do something for John Mayer, so I was like “oh my gosh, Dan!” and I hugged him, and then he’s like “I’ll try” or something like that, I don’t remember what he said. I don’t care if he does it or not, I mean, it’s just cool to know that there’s this connection there, in a small little way.

Then Dan was like, whenever you do another show let me know. Angela mentioned the party that they probably won’t be able to come too ’cause they’ll be on tour but she got his cell number in case, and I got his cell in case too ’cause he said I should have it. I had it once before but of course lost it. I put it in my cell right then. I took a picture of him with my phone and it came out funny ’cause he was ducking when Elise put rabbit ears on him, or tried to that is.

All in all it was a very good night. I had fun and I’m glad that I went. Planning this party with Angela will be interesting. Maybe I can revive my old idea of having the party at that cool hotel in San Francisco. Or maybe we can do the party bus idea, who knows. I would love to have a party, it’d be cool to just hang out with everybody and get a real chance to talk.

Here’s something I don’t get. Why are there not more older dudes at these shows?? I just don’t get it. And why is that I always feel like ten feet tall?? There was this one tall guy there but he seemed kinda skeevy. The whole take pictures with ft thing didn’t happen. Before their set they were all scattered around, and then after they were all scattered and sweaty. So maybe this whole party thing will allow me to finally get a picture with all of them together.

I’m veddy, veddy happy that I have tomorrow off. I want to try to go to the movies tomorrow and see “Monster”, “Lost in Translation” and hmm..something else that I can’t remember right now, although I probably won’t be able to get to all of those movies tomorrow. We shall see.

How do you describe someone’s voice? I don’t think it’s possible. I was thinking about John Mayer’s voice (surprise) and how much he reminds me of Joseph (straight Joseph, not gay joseph). There are sometimes when he speaks that he sounds like Joseph, it’s really, really weird. eerie even.

Listening to KOIT at work reminds me of junior high and sitting around in my room with Jamie listening to Kenny G on “for lovers only”, making up scenarios about Ranjel and Patrick. haha. good times, good times. Bryan Adams is on right now and I really like this song, I may just have to go out and buy one of his cds hehe. Ohh… now Sting’s song “fields of gold” is on and now I’m all teary. I loved this song back in junior high, I remember thinking it was so romantic and sweet. I’m such a wuss But I love the line “feel her body rise, when you kiss her mouth” Aww!!! That should be me damnit. I wanna be a in a field of gold with a guy, making out, making the sky jealous of us.

ah!! okay, I got tears again… another song!! that song about “lifting my hands and pray” and now that Selena song “dreamin of you”!!! AWWW!!!! I used to think about Joe T. when that song came on. *sigh* High school crushes, good times.

Okay, so the hottie guy Justin from work came in and he is soo cute! He was wearing cologne and the smell has totally intoxicated me. He’s so nice, I hate him for that. It’s so much easier to not have a crush on someone when they’re a cocky jerk and he’s not a cocky jerk.