When I was waiting to get on plane for my flight back to San Francisco from Chicago last month I decided to pick out all of the guys I wouldn’t mind to have sit next to me. Now that I’m older I’m a lot less shy than I was when I was a teenager. I feel like I’ve grown into myself and know more about who I am in general. And to that end when I’m on a plane I feel like meeting new people and talking. For my Chicago trip I wasn’t have much luck finding willing row-mates up for conversation.

On my flight to the windy city, I was situated in between a blind guy and a Russian dude whose nose was stuck in a Russian novel for the entire trip. On the 4 hours back to San Francisco I was between two women. One was a teenage girl from China who spoke little English and the other was a woman around my age who was intent on sleeping with her head down the entire time, and when she did talk she was kind of a ho.

So needless to say my pool of conversation buddies was, uhm, non-existent. This all got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be awesome if airlines had special seating for single people? It’d be great! You could totally pick who you wanted to sit next to for any given flight and make sure that you had someone who’d be open to conversation. Or at the very least have the option during the reservation process to say that you’d like to sit next to someone who’s willing to chat with you about this and that.

I hope to have to travel often in the coming year and it would be really cool if I could be guaranteed a seat next to an available hottie. Wouldn’t that be nice?

I miss looking at someone and seeing all of the possibilities. I’ve only been in that position once and I wasn’t even in love with them yet. Only once have I had that thought that maybe this person is the one I could build a real life with.

I miss being able to think about those things. As I get older the need to feel those things becomes more urgent. There was a great line in the movie “Then She Found Me.” Helen Hunt’s character says, “I want a baby, I can’t explain it, it’s like being hungry or having to pee.”

And so that’s how it is for me. Having kids isn’t something I can take or leave. It’s something that I have to do. It’s something that I don’t want to wait to do either. I know I’m “only 27” but time can go by so fast and I don’t want 10 years to flip by and be 37 and childless. Obviously I really don’t have all that much control over what happens, only to a certain degree, but I can’t make someone love me, hell, I can’t even make them meet me.

I wonder if I should write and post this kind of stuff here because really anyone can read it. Guys that I could be interested in could read this. And so what if they do? If you can’t handle my honesty then that’s tough for you, plus I’m not going to date just anyone in an attempt to have a kid. I have a plan, and that plan involves falling in love — real love — and getting married and having babies, all in that order.

All of a sudden I have a headache. Probably too much Dr. Pepper.

Over these past couple of days I’ve been thinking about something that happened to me a little while ago. Only recently has this moment turned into something bigger. Nothing monumental has happened. I’m still me, still single and working and dreaming.

But in regards to men things have changed, at least for right now. I realized the other day that at this point in time the most important thing for me is to spend the next year chasing my dream of writing full-time and not chasing guys. The thought of getting dressed up to go out to a bar or wherever doesn’t intrigue me. The thought of putting up another personals ad icks me out. I’m over it. Maybe I’ll change my mind, but I truly think that by experiencing life and doing the things that I really, really want to do, I’ll be in a much better place to meet someone. I think it’ll happen that way, as opposed to just being bored and having nothing else to do.

In these past few days of getting ready to move all my stuff into storage with the plan for next year rolling around in my head it occurred to me just how much this next year means to me. There is nothing else I want more than to finally lead the life I’ve imagined. I know 27 isn’t old but it just feels like I’m overdue for this experience.

“He’s the perfect wrong guy to have a baby with.”

This is a thought that occurs to me about a certain guy that I’ve known for years.

I’m 26, single and dying to have a baby. I’m a rational person, I know that being single and having a baby isn’t a smart thing to do. And being that I grew up never having a father in my life I know that I don’t want that for my kid. I want to be married with the intention that my husband and I will be together for the long haul.

However, when I think about this guy all of my senses go out the window. He’s my adult crush. I had my high school crush, dreamboat guy that I have exhausted all fantasies about, but this guy is someone that will linger in my thoughts until I’m married off to some great guy.

I’ll call him Jake. Jake is an artist; he’s so fucking talented it makes me sick. He’s also incredibly hot. I mean he’s a super cute guy. But because he is an artist he has his tragic side. Of course I want to be the one that “saves” him and makes him want to be the best, stable guy he can be. And I want to be the one that has his love child.

Seriously if I could only have sex with him once I’d be happy and if that sex resulted in a kid I’d be ecstatic. It’s totally insane and I’m probably ok with these thoughts because I know that the chance of all of this happening is pretty slim.

Current male obsessions:

– Blake Shelton - I’ve talked about him a little bit before but I must re-state that he is indeed hot. He has the best country accent ever and he’s a great singer too. I love his current song (and video) “don’t make me.” He’s one of the judges on Nashville Star and he’s freaking hilarious. *sigh* And it looks like he’ll be at the Sonoma County Fair in July. That could be a little mini-adventure.

– Anderson Cooper - Is it bad that I only watch CNN for Anderson Cooper 360? He’s such a cutie. An intelligent, sensitive hottie. The suits, the ties, hot!

– George Clooney - The man is gorgeous. And he was once in an episode of The Golden Girls! Hah! I love him because he seems to be compassionate and intelligent. He’s an excellent actor, but really he’s just plain hot!

It’s a little disgusting how many times I’ve used the word “hot” in this post but I currently don’t have the brain power to think of something else.