well, well, well… look what the cat dragged in…

So I was on the phone talking to Gabe for the first time. He was nice and cool, the only bad thing I can say is that he’s just not really into a relationship right now and he’s not that big on talking on the phone. So I think I’ll be talking to him for awhile before we ever meet up, if we even do at all. Who knows. Anyway while I was talking to him I got another call, but I didn’t click over to get it in case it was someone I didn’t want to talk to. So I hung up with Gabe at ten and checked my voicemail. Since the call came after 9pm I had a thought that it might be Brian. And I was right. He gave a normal message saying that hi and that I could call him back, and he gave me his phone number again, which was good because I purposely deleted it. So I called him back and then he was writing an email or something, so I let him go and he said he’d call me tomorrow.

Then I started writing this thing and he called me. I’m talking to him as I write this. He says that he doesn’t know what he wants. And I didn’t say anything like “what do you think of me” or anything remotely close to that. I just said that I didn’t expect to hear from him, and now he’s saying “well can’t we be friends and see what happens?” Ugh. Whatever dude. We haven’t even met and I’m not instigating that meeting either. I probably would of been better off had he just never called me back.

It’s funny the way things…happen.

Yesterday I went with Jamie to the Ren Faire. It was fun as usual. Not to skip over the Ren Faire but I gotta get to the Brian thing. Well when Jamie and I got back to my place I called him and said that I had to take a shower and could he call me in half an hour. So he said he would. He did call back a little over half an hour later. We talked for a little bit but then he said that he wanted to conversate with everyone. They were having a little bonfire thing and people were over, whatever. So he said he’d call later. Well it’s now tomorrow and I still haven’t heard from him. So it’s safe to say its over, although can it really be over since it never really began?

Anyway, this morning I was sulky and annoyed with the whole thing. Really I’ve just been annoyed with myself for feeling like this, all affected. So then I went to see “Garden State” with my mom. It was such a great movie. Of course I was crying like a nut at the end of it, because Zach Braff’s character did EXACTLY what a guy is supposed to do when he’s into you. It was just so weird, like now more than ever I totally believe that things happen for a reason. Reading that book about guys, this non-thing with Brian, the movie, it’s just all pointing to what it’s really supposed to be like. I’m tired of doing things the way I’ve always done them, which hasn’t worked for me. So I vow here and now that I will stick to what I want want, to my standards and accept nothing less than that.

So with that said… there’s some saying about how when one door closes another one opens (or is it a window?) Whatever. You get the point I’m trying to make. So when I checked my email today I got a pleasant surprise of an email from a guy that I thought wasn’t interested in me. Just the fact that he wrote me back made my freaking day. Jamie, remember that guy I was telling you about? I said something about how he was the one guy I actually wanted to write me back, he’s the guy that did! He’s got long blond hair and blue eyes…eek, hot. Think good thoughts, think good thoughts. Oh and I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s not a religious republican either. haha. Although you never know until you know, you know?

I want to go home and I don’t want to go to that damn BBQ today. Ugh. I don’t think this thing wtih Brian is going to happen. Through no fault of my mine mind you, I just don’t think he’s into me. Which is fucking sad. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, it’s just that you get so excited about something and then all of a sudden it feels like it stops..

I hate kimmie fucking gibler. First she asks me to turn down my music this morning. Ho! Then I had to hear her call me her “assistant”, that annoys me just because the last thing on this earth that I want to be is her assistant. And now she needs a spec ad to be done by Monday, and I’m out on Monday. hate. her. with. a. vengeance.

I’ve made it to 11am without iming him! good job, good job, now can I make it 5 hours more without saying something to him? It’s just hard, I just want to know. I just want to know!! I’m such a nit, it’s now 3:08 and I just realized that Brian has his messenger on and it says “at work”, the thing I realized is that he probably left his computer on at home with his messenger on like that. Ugh. I sent a message of “hi” at some point today. I know, I know, bad, all bad, but I had to do something. I can’t just sit idly by, it’s annoying.

Ya know what would be great. It would be great to be in Tower one day and be in the magazine section getting my usual fix of JANE and Fast Company, when I happen to look up and see this hot dude checking out magazines too. I look away and then look at him again but this time he’s looking at me too. I kinda smile and he comes over to me. We start talking and things go swimmingly. He calls me, we go out repeatedly and then boom we can actually call each other bf/gf. That’s all I friggin want. I don’t need romantic trips to Cabo or roses everyday, nope, just a nice, NORMAL, guy. ugh!

This will all pass, all these thoughts and feelings, things will change.

Last night I was so psyched to watch Dale Jr on 60 Minutes. Unfortunately my worst fears were confirmed. He’s a Republican! Ech. But at least he went to see Farenheit 9/11 to keep a somewhat open mind. On the other hand I did get to see the other side of his house, and it has a wrap around porch!! Anyone who knows me knows that I die for wrap around porches. His property is sick. There’s all this green grass and just land, and a pool, plus this little race track for his go carts(??) Anyway. I might be able to overlook the Republican thing, I mean look at James Carville and his wife, he’s a total Democrat and his wife is a Republican, they still love each other. There was some good news though, he doesn’t have “boobs” anymore, in other words, no girlfriend. Something I’ve always known about him is how badly he wants to be married. He’s never said it outright like that, but you can just tell from the way he says things and how he says things. It’s really sweet.

At work: It’s like the blind leading the blind around here. They have no idea what they’re doing with this new computer system. You’d swear they were learning how to put a rocket together or something. It’s so sad. And none of their dumbasses goes “hmm, maybe I should just look it up in the MANUAL” They’d just rather complain, complain, complain. ‘Cause that really speeds things up and helps them learn.

So it looks like tonight I’m going with Elise and Sarah to see Still Life Projector play at Imusicast. Should be interesting. Sarah likes one of the dudes in the band and think they’re friends with all of them. Hot dudes in eyeliner. Jolly good fun.

So I finally got my couch today. I ordered it in July so it’s about frickin time. A couple odd things of note. 1.) the guys who delivered the couch weren’t your standard young dudes, no I got two guys who looked like they’d been grampa’s for awhile, maybe in their sixties. They were tall and in good shape, I almost thought they’d be good dates for my mom, hah 2.) the couch’s color was and wasn’t what I expected. I had a swatch before I bought it, but it’s not the same as seeing the thing completely covered in it. So it’s like this red/orangey color. It reminds me of the car I drove in high school, it would go between orange and red, hence the name “the betsey couch” betsey was the name of my car in high school. *sigh* ahh.. the memories with that car. I miss her.

I don’t get how someone can just go stupid all of a sudden. Take my soon to be ex-boss (ex ’cause she’s going to a different dept/company) for example. Today she emails me saying to credit a customer for october. Like hello, we’re not even in October yet. She, for some insane, inane reason, thought that we billed people the month before their ad ran on the site. Now, she’s been with us for a year, the fact that she thinks that is completely and utterly SAD. Even after I explained to her what & when I had billed these people she was still like “well i don’t want them to billed for something that they’re not getting”… wacko. How can they be billed for something that I haven’t billed yet??

The guy that I used to think was hot at work had a baby. Well I still think he’s hot, but he’s kinda dopey. Anyway. They had a boy, named him Lukas. Which is soo cute, and annoying ’cause I like that name, but no matter. Today he brought around photos and the kid is so cute! I want one! waah! Ok not, right now, but ya know “one day”. You kinda need a guy for that, so I’ll wait till I find a decent one.