I love, love, love the song that plays over the Garden State trailer. While I was at work today I heard it on the Yahoo Internet Radio station. It’s by a group called Frou Frou. So after work I immediately went over to Tower to buy it. Maybe being this close to Tower is a bad thing. Anywhoo. All I know is that I love that friggin song. It’s called “Let Go”. I barely heard the second song on the cd and I like that one too.

Off topic note: US Mens Volleyball players are hot. There’s this one guy, Brook Billings, that’s gorgeous. Seriously. Gorgeous.

Today was my first day back at work. Of course I hated having to go back. I think at like ten something I went in to talk to my boss to say “can I go home now?”. She let me under the expectation that I work from home. ech. If I don’t want to work there, I don’t want to work at home. Mostly it was because I have sooo many emotions right now. I mean I’ll see some sappy commercial or story about some athlete on the Olympics and I’m crying. I’ll cry even without warning. I think I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And now to make it worse, I’ve got cramps because my period is fastly approaching. So annoying.

So today, when I got home, I came up to my mom’s place to use her computer to “work”, which lasted all of like 2 minutes, until I realized that I needed to be at work to really do work, or else I’ll be like, uhm, I could be doing something for myself. So I went on Craigslist in my usual futile attempt to find some other “better” job. I came across this ad for Chipotle, they’re looking for a Local Store Marketing Coordinator for all of their stores in the Bay Area. So I sent in my resume. I had seen this ad before and sent it to myself, but with my surgery about to happen, I didn’t think it was a good time to do it, also thinking that I wouldn’t see the ad ever again. So I see it today and now I’m thinking, hmm, maybe I was meant to see that ad again and apply. So I’m thinking good thoughts about it. It would be nice to just get an interview. I think it’d be fun, even though at this point in time I can’t eat anything there, but once I’m free I’ll be able to eat some stuff, just not with the tortilla.

I know that I need to just get out of jobs for other people altogether. My FICO score is getting better since ditching the debt. I would love to just take out a big loan and quit my job and just start Superficial and probably Parting Gifts once I got Superficial up and running. Ah, that’d be sweet.

So I changed the date of my birthday party, it now includes Michele’s going away party as well. I’m thinking about getting food from the Mecca, ’cause it just sounds good and I’ll be able to eat the bean dip and/or refried beans. ohh.. maybe I could try the cheese enchiladas? hmm.. I’m still up in the air on that, I want party platters and stuff.. so whatever it’ll be good..

My boss said that she could see the weight loss, in my face mostly. I see it there too, but I also see it in my wrist and my fingers. It’s like being an alien or something, or some superhero going through a metamorphosis.

I’m soooo happy! I shall receive my ft neighborhoodie this Friday!! hehe. I’m soo excited. Just in time for the FT show in Modesto on Sunday. Why does the show hafta be on a Sunday of all god-forsaken days?? ugh. And that following Monday isn’t one of my days off, so I’m screwed. Hopefully they won’t go on super late, hah, yea right. Who am I kidding. I’ll probably get home at like 2am, sleep for like 5 hours and then have to get up and get ready for work and then I’ll be off all week. ick.

So I found out today, thanks to Jamie’s great detective work, that Joe does in fact have a fiancee. I’m not sad about it (unlike the title, which isn’t in regards to this particular topic) at all. I just wish that I wasn’t this weight right now, especially now that I have to see him AND his fiancee at that camp. It just gets better and better. Whatever, no matter, life goes on and this is just a blip on the radar screen. Not a big deal at all. There are sooooo many dudes in this world, hot ones even, that I shall have my pick of one of these days. So to lose one to some chicky who likes “eatting” is not a big deal.

Which brings me to For Love Or Money. I’m addicted to the show and they’ve only had one episode (which was two hours long). The bachelor dude, Preston, is soo adorable! He reminds me of John Mayer, just slightly in the looks department. I’m sure he’s no where near as talented as Mayer but he definitely is as hot. Although this guy has to be smart, he’s 25 and he owns his own business. But let me just say that owning your own business doesn’t necessarily make you smart, because there are a lot of dum, dums out there that run companys.

That is yet another thing you can do when you lose weight. You can try out for non-reality/reality tv shows. I think it’d be fun to be on the bachelor. Just as long as you don’t get cut in like the first two rounds, its a total free vacation. I’d love to hang out in an awesome mansion and oogle some hot dude. bring it on!

Half, well a quarter, of me doesn’t like to think about the WLS because it’s still up to the surgeon about whether or not I can get it, but I really don’t have any health issues that would prevent it from happening so I feel like I would most likely be approved. I think that it would have to come down to some medical reason. Overall I just want to know, because the prospect of doing this is just sooo exciting.

Since I’ve been talking about all the positive stuff that can come from this, let’s talk about the crappy stuff. First off, the thing that’s got me weirded out the most, you lose your hair! Not all of it, just a little bit, it can fall out, but it grows back of course. You lose it because your body intitally loses protein that it would normally use to keep your hair growing strong, so the little bit that it does start to get after the surgery goes towards keeping your other parts running smoothly, so your hair can fall out. But once you’re back getting all the protein you need the hair grows back. You have to take vitamin supplements, and what not.

Okay, another crappy thing…Post-op you can’t sleep on your stomach for at least a few weeks because of all the work done to your stomach area. Carnie Wilson rented a recliner to sleep in after her surgery.

You can’t drink alcohol more than twice a week, your liver is more sensitive after the surgery, so no more getting drunk. Which is probably a good thing. it’s not like I do it every weekend or something.

eeps… gotta go home!

It’s hard to get donations, I need to get them or else I’m going to look like a complete idiot to this guy that I’ve had a crush on since high school. It’d be a seriously sad state of affairs if I can’t get someone, anyone to dontate some dough (not pizza dough, I’m talking cash people).

I’m like Lucy on ‘I Love Lucy’, always getting myself involved in, or creating my very own, hairbrained schemes. But this really isn’t a scheme, scheme, well it started out that way but it really is for a good cause. This guy that I’ve liked, his name is Joe and he’a professional football player. He’s from my hometown and he’s coming back to host this football camp for kids from grade 5 through seniors in high school. It’s a big deal ’cause he’s going to have other pro players there and they’re going to teach the kids about good nutirtion, training, stay in school, blah, blah, blah. All of that is great. He’s got everything covered except the lunches for the campers, which is shitty because there’s going to be at the most 500 campers. So I’ve taken it upon myself to help and try to find more sponosors to donate food or money to buy food. I only started to do this last friday or thursday so I shouldn’t be all psycho about it yet, but I have no patience and I wish these people would call me back and tell me they can help out.

Today is my day off from work. Yay! I went to see the movie “Mean Girls.” I love going to the theatre when nobody else is there, or at least only 4 or 5 other people. (This is totally off topic but Passions is on right now and it is sooooo lame. This show has to be some joke, like some spoof on soap operas, one day the creators of the show are gonna just pop up and go “we’re kidding,we were just fuckin’ with ya!”) Anyway, Mean Girls was alright. It wasn’t as funny as I thought it might be, but whatever… it was cool to see my mom’s car in the movie though. Now that I think of it there were some serious truths in that movie, about girls and how we treat each other. The sad thing is that some of that behavior doesn’t stop when you’re out of high school.

I have this nagging feeling that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’d much rather do nothing so that I can do everything.

I haven’t written here in a little while so I thought I’d catch up on things.

I suppose the most interesting development of late has been about a guy I will refer to as Joe. Its probably best to purge all of the details of things that happened in high school, so they won’t linger in my head and I can finally move on, symbolicly, I already have in every other way. He wasn’t someone that I thought about everyday after high school was over, just simply a crush.

The fact that he was always so nice is probably why I’ve continued to be curious about what he’s been up to and if he’d ever married. In high school he was one of the tallest guys and he was a linebacker on the football team. Yeah, hot! But he also had a girlfriend. A flagtwirler no less. So of course I was left to just daydream and annoy my friends to death with stories I’d written about him and any little tidbit I could come up with about seeing him in the hallway or whatever. In high school I had the sad habit of hunting down guys phone numbers, either in the phone book or through other people. Joe was my last victim I think I got his number from his cousin who had no idea who I was. So I called him on our day off from school, it was Martin Luther King Jr. day. I called him during the day and we talked for awhile, before he had to go do something for his mom. Then I talked to him later that night. Now the whole time I talked to him I didn’t tell him who I really was, ’cause I didn’t want him to run to the yearbook and look at my horrible picture and hang up on me. So I just didn’t tell him my name. Then my mom had to get on the phone and embarass me, which caused me to accidentally reveal my true identity. He did indeed go to the yearbook and find my picture, but he didn’t run screeaming for the hills. He was very nice. So the next day at school, I was standing on the landing of our school theater with a friend of mine at the time, Jennifer S. It had been raining so thats why we were under the overhang, but it had stopped. Anyway, Joe came up with his girlfriend (she being completlely oblivious) and passed by us, looking at me and smiling. When he was gone, I looked at Jennifer and we both freaked out!

So from then on anytime I’d see him in the hallway or wherever, he’d say “hi”, and I’d freak out (in my head of course). After he graduated he went to college in Arizona where he played football, and of course I’d watch the games. Then it was time for the draft. The night before the draft I went to this veddy popular mexican restaurant in our hometown with Jonathan, my guy friend at the time (whom I haven’t talked to in like a year!, weird). So as we were leaving I saw this guy who I’ll just call S, since his name is pretty unique, who was also going into the draft that year, and whom I had a class with in HS. I said hi to him and we left…then as we’re walking through the courtyard I see these two veddy tall guys walking towards us, and one of them was old, one was young and as they got closer I realized it was Joe! So I was like “Hi!” or something.. He remember who I was, and I wished him luck on the draft. Of course I was freaking out for the next 5 minutes.

So that is the last time that I’ve actually seen him in person. He got drafted to Tampa Bay, but then got traded to Chicago, where he’s been for the last few years(?). Can’t remember how long it’s been. Anyway, now lets fast forward to last Wednesday. I got this urge to check out Joe’s profile on this teams website to do my yearly check on his marital status. They hadn’t added a “wife” to his personal profile, but they did say that he was hosting a football camp for kids & teens in his hometown. So I was shocked, like why didn’t I know about this? I googled his name and the name of the camp and found the announcement listed on the very website that I work for! Turns out a couple other guys that I went to high school with, who had also gone into the NFL were going to be at the camp too. So I immediately began to think up reasons for why I should have to go to the camp. I had the perfect tie, my job! I sent an email to the address listed on the announcement asking if they needed help in any way.

I got an email back from Joe himself on Sunday, but I didn’t actually see it until Monday when I was at work. So emailed him back asking more questions about what it is he really needed, and he wrote me back the next day with his responses and his phone number so that I could call him to discuss it. So I called him and I was praying that he wouldn’t remember me (and my lame attempts at trying to do something, I don’t even know what the point of all that was) but he did! ugh. But he was still very nice and was totally willing to have my help in getting him sponsors for the event.

So the deal is, the company that I work for doesn’t have money in it’s budget to pay for a donation, but I ran it by my boss because I thought it’d be a great opportunity to post our banner and promote our newly revamped teen page (done by me, I might add). She agreed but reminded me that we didn’t have any money to sponsor the event, but we could use our connections to help them find other sponsors. The camp needs money to provide lunch for the campers, and the limit is 500 kids, and they’ve already got 350 signed up.

So now I have to find some sponsors. And the camp is like a little over a month away! eeps. I’ve sent out information to a few places so I’m waiting to hear back, and hopefully I’ll hear something, soon.

I’m glad it’s Friday. I’m getting my hair done tonight, which will be fabulous, I’m thinking about going curly again, that usually holds up for a long time. This weekend is also my three day weekend, so I’m super happy about that. I’m going to try and pound the pavement for possible sponsors for Joe’s camp.

“I’ve made some bad choices in that area,” she said but added, “I’m changing the tape in the tape recorder. Now, all I hear myself saying over and over again is that I’m going to find the right man.” - Halle Berry, discussing love relationships, in light of her recent divorce from Eric Benet

Right on! I’m changing my tapes too. I’ve got a couple going on, actually more like a few. There’s one for the playground, one for my weight and one about relationships. The Playground one is easy, I know that that’s going to happen and that I’m going to make it happen. But the relationships and weight, well I haven’t always been positive about those two subjects, but that’s it. I’m changing things.