That couldn’t be more true.

So many things happened this weekend I’m still coming down from it all, and it’s totally done a number on my emotions. Today I’ve felt like crying at least 5 times, and for a few of those times I actually got to let it all out. Matt left this morning to go back to his parents place and then eventually back to his home in Arcata. I miss him and I didn’t want him to go. I think about the fact that he’s not here and it makes me sad, but at the same time I know that he wants to be with me and that we’re always going to be in contact and that we will see each other again soon. It softens the distance but it doesn’t erase it. I feel like moving to Arcata to be with him but thats basically impossible.

He’s so thoughtful and sweet. My car wouldn’t start yesterday morning before it was time for me to go to work. Matt figured it was my battery and that I needed a new one. So he drove me to work (in his mom’s truck, his truck actually needed work, and was being worked on in red bluff, so thats why he had to take his mom’s truck down to me) and then went to Sears, bought a new battery, plus tools and a tool box. He installed the new battery and now my car is totally ok. He picked me up from work in my car (trinity) and then I drove us back home. He wouldn’t let me pay him back for the battery and the tools. He also took back the tablecloths I rented for the party, and the keys to the center where the party was held. He did all of that for me and he totally didn’t have to, especially since he doesn’t know the area.

This weekend he literally met all of the people in my family, well all the people that matter. Everybody liked him, which is great and I knew that they would. I knew that he would fit in and get along with everyone.

gotta go.. will write more later.

“I’ve made some bad choices in that area,” she said but added, “I’m changing the tape in the tape recorder. Now, all I hear myself saying over and over again is that I’m going to find the right man.” - Halle Berry, discussing love relationships, in light of her recent divorce from Eric Benet

Right on! I’m changing my tapes too. I’ve got a couple going on, actually more like a few. There’s one for the playground, one for my weight and one about relationships. The Playground one is easy, I know that that’s going to happen and that I’m going to make it happen. But the relationships and weight, well I haven’t always been positive about those two subjects, but that’s it. I’m changing things.

Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.

I could do without all of the noises my boss makes. ugh. Add that to my list of everyday annoyances.

I need to get a Death Cab for Cutie cd like asap. I like their songs a whole lot. Add that to my list of cds I need to get.

I should have titled this entry “things have changed”. I could make that the title for every entry becauase things are always changing, we’re always changing (as Adam Duritz would say). I can’t say that I’m surprised. Everybody has one of those revolving doors that you can find in huge office buildings or sometimes department stores. We all have them, people come in and stay for a while and then walk out. I’ve had a lot and there are a bunch that I wish hadn’t left. I wish I could just reconnect with them and have them stay in my life forever but with some distance. I dunno. Nothing stays the same, so you can’t keep those same feelings going all the time. Having said that I wonder how marriage works. Staying with one person for the rest of your life. It’s crazy to think it’s always going to be good, to think that you won’t get bored with that person, ’cause you will. I think you just need to go into it knowing that that will happen. That there will be shitty days and there will be wonderful days and hopefully the wonderful days outwieigh the shitty ones. Ok, I totally stole that from Miami Rhapsody but it’s totally true. Great movie btw. A total classic.

Anyway, back to changes. So yes this is a transition period. I just wonder how long it’ll last and what the outcome will be. From here it looks like things will fade out. I just wonder how long though. I mean it’s not an easy thing to do. You grow closer, you fade away or things just stay the same? I dunno. I think that there needs to be events. Like if I had a friend who lived in France I wouldn’t want to just correspond with them forever and ever and send letters back in forth saying “I bet france is great this time of year”, that gets old, I’d want to visit them or have them visit me. I guess the point is that things just can’t be all one way forever.

I am a Quirkyalone and I feel sooo incredibly validated right now, it’s not even funny. I feel awesome! Everything makes sense now!

quirkyalone (kwur.kee.uh.lohn) n. adj.
A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status. See also: romantic, idealist, independent

It was totally fate that I found this book. The book is called “quirkyalone: a manifesto for uncompromising romantics” That’s me! I’m off to go home and read this fabulous book before American Idol comes on. It’s going to be soo good.

yay!

‘when you’re out and your with friends, and you’re having a good time you act as if no one else is around. You laugh and smile, and then unbeknownst to you there’s this guy across the room watching you, he’s smiling too, but he’s smiling just because you are. That’s the guy who’s going to love you, who’s in love with you, or will be in love with you’