I had an eventful weekend.

I went to the FT show on Saturday at ImusicASS. When I arrived Sergio was outside and payed for me to get into the show. I didn’t think that he would pay for me, I thought he was just going to put me on the list. Anyway, let me just cut to the good parts. I found Jesse and he told me that they were doing “shut up” for me, and I was like “oh, what are you trying to say?” and then he goes “no it’s not TO you it’s FOR you”, and I was like riight. So then I saw Scott. He comes up, we hug as is customary. Then he goes “I was just thinking about you today”, and then he said something about how I’m so supportive or something. I was standing with Geoff and a guy from Geoffs band and he kinda said to them something like “yea, when I needed a kidney Valli was there”, like a joking thing..

I think the theme for the night should of been “surprised”, because I was continually surprised by things he said to me. ‘Cause none of the other guys say stuff like that to me, well not entirely true, Kirk has said some great stuff, Sergio talks about putting me on the guest lists and stuff, he says thank you and I know is genuinely appreciative. I think Jesse is appreciative too. Scott has always been the one that I thought didn’t like me or at least I wasn’t sure if he did or not, it wasn’t until after they came home from being on tour all the time that he kept saying all these nice things, like introducing me to his mom and saying that I was instrumental in them getting signed and wondering why I need him to sign my copy of ITNOP ’cause I’m a friend. And then of course there was the infamous night at the show in Berkeley, where we were cheek to cheek for a moment and he said that I should be there carrying him into heaven since I’ve been there from the beginning. He was drunk that night so that left me thinking it was all a fluke. I just realized that he’s 28 this year. Weird. If there was ever something that I never thought about Scott it would be his age, I just never thought about it one way or another.

But I digress. So after saying the kidney thing (or he may of said it before that, I can’t remember the order) he said “you look really, really good” and I was like “thank you”. Purely surprised, because no other guy had said anything to me about how I looked since having the surgery, and to have the first comment come from Scott was like someone just pulled the rug out from under me, but in a very good way. So then I promptly smacked his chest/arm and was like “it totally sucks that you guys aren’t doing the acoustic show”… and he said, what acoustic show? He said that they didn’t tell him about it, then made some joke about how they only let him decide which beer to get. But then he was like, well I’ll do it by myself. And I like a nut realized yea he could do it by himself if he wanted to. I didn’t put much stock into him actually doing it ’cause it was Scott, I could never tell if he was serious or not. So I didn’t think to much about it, I even asked other people at the show if they knew of anyone who could do the show.

Eventually FT finally went on and then DS. Before DS started or it might have been during the very beginning Scott walked by and stopped and gave me a hug, I think I tried to say “good job” or something lame. It was weird and awkward and unnecesary. Anyway, During DS I seriously just wanted to leave. I had this horrible crampy/pain thing in my stomach and I was like I just wanna sit down or go home. But I knew that if FT was outside and they saw me they’d be like, why ya leaving? and all that so I was like I should just tough it out and stay. While I was standing on the side of the stage, some icky drunk dude came up and asked if I had some gum. Which I did so I gave it to him and then he proceeded to talk to me about DS and I had no idea what he was saying. Eventually he wandered away.

So after the show all the FT guys were handing out this new sampler they made that has two new songs on it. So I found like Jesse and Kirk and told them I liked the new, new songs that they played that night and then I headed for the exit where Scott happened to be handing out cds. That annoying ImusicASS owner was there talking to him about putting songs online and selling them like iTunes or something. idiot. He’s a nut. Anyway… I waited for them to finish, and there was this girl standing next to me kinda in front of me, waiting for Scott to hand her a cd, but it seemed like he got everyone but her and she didn’t like say anything to him, so after numb nut got out of the way I pointed her out to Scott and he finally gave her one. Then I told him that I liked the news songs, and then he said something to the effect of “don’t give up on us eventhough we might give up on ourselves”, and I just smiled and was like “I never have and I never will”.. then I turned to leave and he said I was like Prudential, I was a rock. so I just smiled and kinda laughed and left.

Now cut to Sunday afternoon. I went to Albertsons to get a couple things and the only reason I turned my phone on was because I was hoping Jon would call me. So like a couple minutes after turning it on I got a call and I didn’t know who it was, and by the time I tried to answer it it was too late, it already went to voicemail. So I checked the message and it was Scott. Yet another surprise because I had never given him my phone number, so he must of gotten it from Kirk. I called him back immediately and he told me that he wanted to do the acoustic show by himself, but he didn’t want to be on the bill or on the flyers or anything. So I said that was fine, I thought it’d be great to have him in any way So then he said how he was kinda pissed that the guys hadn’t told him about the show at all, and he asked about how it all happened and I told him. Then I was I said how I didn’t want this to be some thing between them or something, and he said it wouldn’t be. Then he said how he was working on this one song and did I want to hear it? So I said yes of course and he started playing the song and sang it to me! It was the coolest thing in the world. I thought he’d sing like two seconds or something, but no it’s like this whole song, all about love and stuff.. there was literally a line that said “I love you”.. Needless to say I was freaking out, I had the biggest freaking smile on my face. Then after it was over, he asked what I thought of the sampler and I said I hadn’t listened it to yet and now that I have I wish that I had ’cause “Lounge Act” sounds freaking awesome. So then he said “you looked really, really great tonight” (yes he kept referring to the night before as ‘tonight’, I dunno why), I think he said it twice, and I said thank you and that he was only one that noticed. Which I’m not sure if that was the right thing to say, but anywhoo. Then he talked about how I was so supportive of them all this time and I said how I belived in them and how I know this means a lot to them. We talked about the show (from the night before) a little bit. Then he was like “so what store are you at? safeway?” and I said I was at Albertsons in Pleasant Hill and he just went “ohh”.. I can’t remember much of how it really ended but I got his email address so I could give him info on the show. The thing that got me was how the conversation kinda repeated itself in some parts, he kept saying how he was nervous about doing the show by himself, but he really wanted to do it, he thought it’d be good. I guess it just seemed like he wanted to talk like he didn’t have anything else to do, so that kinda made me go, uhm.. well I’m not ending the conversation he’s gotta do it

So after all of that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and I’m so freaking excited about the show in November. I just wish that there was another regular FT show coming up soon so I could see them again and see if Scott says anything else really awesome in the meantime. hehe. Plus now I’ve got like a month to get on my exercise so I can look even better for the acoustic show.

And now I’m super, duper excited because my iMac G5 has just arrived like three days before it was supposed to. I can’t wait to go home and play with it. I really need to get a digital video camera, ’cause with this computer I can make DVD’s. So freaking cool!

Yesterday I went straight to the mall after work. I went to LB and got a bunch of stuff, including jeans in a size smaller than I’ve got now. Then I went to Torrid and got two great tops, plus this ring thats basically like fake diamonds but it’s got a ton of ‘em and it’s super sparkly, on a semi thick silver band. I think I might wear it tonight.

Tonight is the FT, DS show at ImusicASS. Originally I was thinking of going all out for it by wearing heels, getting my makeup done, plus a pedicure & manicure, but that’s all been scrapped. At this point I might wear the heels. I can always slap on some mascara.

There is a possible new twist/wrinkle to this show tonight. There’s this guy, Jon. I talked to him for the first time last night. On Thursday when we were emailing I said that I didn’t know when I was going to get out of work on Friday, but that I would call him. So of course yesterday I went shopping after work and I didn’t get home until 8. I called him, but he didn’t answer so I left a message. He called me back pretty soon after that, but he was painting a room in his brothers house so we couldn’t talk for an extended period of time. So at one point I thought he was going to give the whole “i’m too busy” excuse, but he came through. See.. he just moved up here from San Diego and he’s staying at his brothers new house, until he gets his jobs & own place worked out. Anyway, his brother has a fiancee and they’re both out on business trips right now, so as a housewarming present basically he said he’d paint some of the rooms in the house or something, but the brother is coming back today and they’re supposed to do one together. Anyway, they’re having a housewarming/engagement party at the house next weekend, and he’s got interviews and work and stuff all throughout the week, and so things won’t really calm down for him until after the engagement party. So as he’s saying this I’m thinking “oh damn, here it comes, the “i’m busy” crap”.. but he didn’t do that, he asked if I was going to be in the city (San Francisco, where he lives) and I was like no, but I’m going to a show in Berkeley/Oakland. So he’s like, oh that’d be cool to go to and how he would call me tomorrow (today) to let me know if he’d really be able to make it. And he asked me to send him the address of imusicASS and the show info. So I did and I’m excited. I hope he can make it and I hope that I like him and he likes me. That’s all I want right now. Ooh, I should use the fortune cards.

And now with Jon possibly being at the show it makes my decision on what to wear that much more important. Although not really ’cause I was planning on trying to look as good as possible anyway.

Today my mission is to get my clean out my car, take it to a quickie car wash thingy at a gas station, and get some new shoes. I think those are the two big things. I still need to go to Artopia and get that piece I made way back with Michele, I hope they haven’t tossed it yet.

In other news…Brian hasn’t called since Wednesday. He made it seem like he’d call me again before Sunday but I guess I was wrong about that. He’s a total lost cause. If he calls me tomorrow I’ll be sooo surprised. And then there’s Gabe. He’s an anomaly. I talked to him online yesterday, but not for very long and not about a whole lot. If anything happens with him it’ll be purely of his own doing ’cause I can’t get anything out of him without asking for it myself and I’m not doing that.

I have this book called “Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis”. It’s a really great book. I’d highly recommend it to anyone in their 20’s or 30’s, even if you think you’ve got everything figured out, it’ll still be helpful. I’ve only read like the first chapter and it’s already inspired me and made me feel better about all of the feelings that I’ve been having (more violently) lately. However, I can’t seem to get into reading it right now. I’m tired. Brian can’t, or well said that he didn’t think he would be able to call me tonight ’cause his furniture was arriving at 8pm, and he didn’t know how long it take to get everything inside and he’d probably be tired. So whateva.

I haven’t talked to him over the phone in two days. This is by no means a big deal, unless something comes up for why he can’t talk to me tomorrow night, then I’ll be irked. I’m not emailing him at all tomorrow. I seriously don’t want him to disappoint me in all of this ultimately. I just want him to live up to everything that he’s said, especially his whole honesty dealy. Tomorrow I get my hair done finally. I can’t wait to feel “normal” again. Annd I’ll be able to have Jamie take pictures of me when we’re at the Ren Fair! yay! I need to take a bunch of photos just in general to use all this film that I have. Although it’s really not that urgent. I can take pics at the FT show, if I do decide to go. I dunno. Ugh. I still have to get another band to do the acoustic show. I should check out that band JT suggested. Out of the group I have I have no idea who should be the headliner. I reeeally need to get crackin on that, but shock, surprise, I’m not that motivated. I’m so over doing shows this way, it’s just not right. I should of asked FT BEFORE I set up the show. No use crying over spilled milk?

I have a “review” with my soon to be ex-boss, which I find strange. But I guess everybody is getting them done right now. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I can just hear her saying “be helpful” or something stupid like that. I seriously don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to be judged or reviewed on a job that I don’t really even want to do anymore. Or have to fake it like I actually care, like I actually want to stay with this company. If someone told me they’d give me $25,000 tomorrow(after taxes of course), I’d quit my job in a heartbeat, if that long.

It’s just so weird how all of a sudden my job turned from being crappy but doable, to just totally intolerable. I can’t even get into doing the mundane, mind numbing stuff the same way I used to. It just sucks. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things, like I’ve had a general dislike for the job the whole time, just because it’s a job and not what I want ultimately. And then when Wendy left and Kimmie Gibler came in that totally changed the dynamic of the office, she’s so irritating, and then my surgery, and their reactions to it all. It’s all made me super frustrated. It’s like things keep getting added to the frustration list and nothing is getting subtracted.

I feel better. All I needed was a little retail therapy. I didn’t buy anything to huge, just got a new shirt from Nordstrom, some new cds like The Used, Rascal Flatts (yes I like some country) and Butterfly Boucher. The Butterfly cd is really cool. I’d never heard of her before I listened to the cd at a listening station.

Revere has been added to the acoustic show… so I just need one more and all of this crap will be over. I can just focus on promotions. I really wish today wasn’t Sunday and that I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll take a mental health day and just call in sick. That sounds like a really good idea.

It’s been days of frustration.

Frustration with my job, the upcoming show. Hm. I guess those are the big issues right now.

Work: They pissed me off more today. My two bosses called me in to talk to them about being “helpful” with the new ad system. They said how I should be the point person on it and how I might have to enter orders for the sales people because they need to be out selling. I just didn’t like the way they were talking to me. It just made it seem like I’m constantly complaining to them about not wanting to do stuff like the stuff they’re asking me to do which is not the case. And now I just found out that one of the two producers is switching to a job in san jose. So that’s frees up his position but they’re not considering me. hm. Shitty. I suppose I could say something but I don’t know if I really want the job. I’d like it because then I wouldn’t have to do this crap anymore, but then I’d have to work with that other guy. I dunno. I just want out of this place altogether.

This is funny.. I just took this free career test and it said “Valli is not motivated to participate where simple, routine, basic tasks are primary.” That couldn’t be more truthful than anything I’ve ever read. I’ve gotta get out of this stuff.

Show: Well.. I need to find two more bands. That’s basically it. I’m disappointed in FT but what can you do right? I’m not over it and I don’t know when I will be. All I know is that things will never be the same.

I should write about happy things, since it always seems like something crappy is going on. So what am I happy about? I’m happy that my apartment is coming together and that it looks purdy good. I’m happy that I got the couch. I’m happy that I went to the SLP show last night with Elise and Sarah, twas funn. I’m happy about my family. I’m happy about who I am, I just don’t like my current situations. Obviously I’m still not where I want to be ultimately but it’ll happen eventually.