I went to the FT show on Saturday at ImusicASS. When I arrived Sergio was outside and payed for me to get into the show. I didn’t think that he would pay for me, I thought he was just going to put me on the list. Anyway, let me just cut to the good parts. I found Jesse and he told me that they were doing “shut up” for me, and I was like “oh, what are you trying to say?” and then he goes “no it’s not TO you it’s FOR you”, and I was like riight. So then I saw Scott. He comes up, we hug as is customary. Then he goes “I was just thinking about you today”, and then he said something about how I’m so supportive or something. I was standing with Geoff and a guy from Geoffs band and he kinda said to them something like “yea, when I needed a kidney Valli was there”, like a joking thing..

I think the theme for the night should of been “surprised”, because I was continually surprised by things he said to me. ‘Cause none of the other guys say stuff like that to me, well not entirely true, Kirk has said some great stuff, Sergio talks about putting me on the guest lists and stuff, he says thank you and I know is genuinely appreciative. I think Jesse is appreciative too. Scott has always been the one that I thought didn’t like me or at least I wasn’t sure if he did or not, it wasn’t until after they came home from being on tour all the time that he kept saying all these nice things, like introducing me to his mom and saying that I was instrumental in them getting signed and wondering why I need him to sign my copy of ITNOP ’cause I’m a friend. And then of course there was the infamous night at the show in Berkeley, where we were cheek to cheek for a moment and he said that I should be there carrying him into heaven since I’ve been there from the beginning. He was drunk that night so that left me thinking it was all a fluke. I just realized that he’s 28 this year. Weird. If there was ever something that I never thought about Scott it would be his age, I just never thought about it one way or another.

But I digress. So after saying the kidney thing (or he may of said it before that, I can’t remember the order) he said “you look really, really good” and I was like “thank you”. Purely surprised, because no other guy had said anything to me about how I looked since having the surgery, and to have the first comment come from Scott was like someone just pulled the rug out from under me, but in a very good way. So then I promptly smacked his chest/arm and was like “it totally sucks that you guys aren’t doing the acoustic show”… and he said, what acoustic show? He said that they didn’t tell him about it, then made some joke about how they only let him decide which beer to get. But then he was like, well I’ll do it by myself. And I like a nut realized yea he could do it by himself if he wanted to. I didn’t put much stock into him actually doing it ’cause it was Scott, I could never tell if he was serious or not. So I didn’t think to much about it, I even asked other people at the show if they knew of anyone who could do the show.

Eventually FT finally went on and then DS. Before DS started or it might have been during the very beginning Scott walked by and stopped and gave me a hug, I think I tried to say “good job” or something lame. It was weird and awkward and unnecesary. Anyway, During DS I seriously just wanted to leave. I had this horrible crampy/pain thing in my stomach and I was like I just wanna sit down or go home. But I knew that if FT was outside and they saw me they’d be like, why ya leaving? and all that so I was like I should just tough it out and stay. While I was standing on the side of the stage, some icky drunk dude came up and asked if I had some gum. Which I did so I gave it to him and then he proceeded to talk to me about DS and I had no idea what he was saying. Eventually he wandered away.

So after the show all the FT guys were handing out this new sampler they made that has two new songs on it. So I found like Jesse and Kirk and told them I liked the new, new songs that they played that night and then I headed for the exit where Scott happened to be handing out cds. That annoying ImusicASS owner was there talking to him about putting songs online and selling them like iTunes or something. idiot. He’s a nut. Anyway… I waited for them to finish, and there was this girl standing next to me kinda in front of me, waiting for Scott to hand her a cd, but it seemed like he got everyone but her and she didn’t like say anything to him, so after numb nut got out of the way I pointed her out to Scott and he finally gave her one. Then I told him that I liked the news songs, and then he said something to the effect of “don’t give up on us eventhough we might give up on ourselves”, and I just smiled and was like “I never have and I never will”.. then I turned to leave and he said I was like Prudential, I was a rock. so I just smiled and kinda laughed and left.

Now cut to Sunday afternoon. I went to Albertsons to get a couple things and the only reason I turned my phone on was because I was hoping Jon would call me. So like a couple minutes after turning it on I got a call and I didn’t know who it was, and by the time I tried to answer it it was too late, it already went to voicemail. So I checked the message and it was Scott. Yet another surprise because I had never given him my phone number, so he must of gotten it from Kirk. I called him back immediately and he told me that he wanted to do the acoustic show by himself, but he didn’t want to be on the bill or on the flyers or anything. So I said that was fine, I thought it’d be great to have him in any way So then he said how he was kinda pissed that the guys hadn’t told him about the show at all, and he asked about how it all happened and I told him. Then I was I said how I didn’t want this to be some thing between them or something, and he said it wouldn’t be. Then he said how he was working on this one song and did I want to hear it? So I said yes of course and he started playing the song and sang it to me! It was the coolest thing in the world. I thought he’d sing like two seconds or something, but no it’s like this whole song, all about love and stuff.. there was literally a line that said “I love you”.. Needless to say I was freaking out, I had the biggest freaking smile on my face. Then after it was over, he asked what I thought of the sampler and I said I hadn’t listened it to yet and now that I have I wish that I had ’cause “Lounge Act” sounds freaking awesome. So then he said “you looked really, really great tonight” (yes he kept referring to the night before as ‘tonight’, I dunno why), I think he said it twice, and I said thank you and that he was only one that noticed. Which I’m not sure if that was the right thing to say, but anywhoo. Then he talked about how I was so supportive of them all this time and I said how I belived in them and how I know this means a lot to them. We talked about the show (from the night before) a little bit. Then he was like “so what store are you at? safeway?” and I said I was at Albertsons in Pleasant Hill and he just went “ohh”.. I can’t remember much of how it really ended but I got his email address so I could give him info on the show. The thing that got me was how the conversation kinda repeated itself in some parts, he kept saying how he was nervous about doing the show by himself, but he really wanted to do it, he thought it’d be good. I guess it just seemed like he wanted to talk like he didn’t have anything else to do, so that kinda made me go, uhm.. well I’m not ending the conversation he’s gotta do it

So after all of that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and I’m so freaking excited about the show in November. I just wish that there was another regular FT show coming up soon so I could see them again and see if Scott says anything else really awesome in the meantime. hehe. Plus now I’ve got like a month to get on my exercise so I can look even better for the acoustic show.

And now I’m super, duper excited because my iMac G5 has just arrived like three days before it was supposed to. I can’t wait to go home and play with it. I really need to get a digital video camera, ’cause with this computer I can make DVD’s. So freaking cool!

Tonight is the FT, DS show at ImusicASS. Originally I was thinking of going all out for it by wearing heels, getting my makeup done, plus a pedicure & manicure, but that’s all been scrapped. At this point I might wear the heels. I can always slap on some mascara.

There is a possible new twist/wrinkle to this show tonight. There’s this guy, Jon. I talked to him for the first time last night. On Thursday when we were emailing I said that I didn’t know when I was going to get out of work on Friday, but that I would call him. So of course yesterday I went shopping after work and I didn’t get home until 8. I called him, but he didn’t answer so I left a message. He called me back pretty soon after that, but he was painting a room in his brothers house so we couldn’t talk for an extended period of time. So at one point I thought he was going to give the whole “i’m too busy” excuse, but he came through. See.. he just moved up here from San Diego and he’s staying at his brothers new house, until he gets his jobs & own place worked out. Anyway, his brother has a fiancee and they’re both out on business trips right now, so as a housewarming present basically he said he’d paint some of the rooms in the house or something, but the brother is coming back today and they’re supposed to do one together. Anyway, they’re having a housewarming/engagement party at the house next weekend, and he’s got interviews and work and stuff all throughout the week, and so things won’t really calm down for him until after the engagement party. So as he’s saying this I’m thinking “oh damn, here it comes, the “i’m busy” crap”.. but he didn’t do that, he asked if I was going to be in the city (San Francisco, where he lives) and I was like no, but I’m going to a show in Berkeley/Oakland. So he’s like, oh that’d be cool to go to and how he would call me tomorrow (today) to let me know if he’d really be able to make it. And he asked me to send him the address of imusicASS and the show info. So I did and I’m excited. I hope he can make it and I hope that I like him and he likes me. That’s all I want right now. Ooh, I should use the fortune cards.

And now with Jon possibly being at the show it makes my decision on what to wear that much more important. Although not really ’cause I was planning on trying to look as good as possible anyway.

Today my mission is to get my clean out my car, take it to a quickie car wash thingy at a gas station, and get some new shoes. I think those are the two big things. I still need to go to Artopia and get that piece I made way back with Michele, I hope they haven’t tossed it yet.

In other news…Brian hasn’t called since Wednesday. He made it seem like he’d call me again before Sunday but I guess I was wrong about that. He’s a total lost cause. If he calls me tomorrow I’ll be sooo surprised. And then there’s Gabe. He’s an anomaly. I talked to him online yesterday, but not for very long and not about a whole lot. If anything happens with him it’ll be purely of his own doing ’cause I can’t get anything out of him without asking for it myself and I’m not doing that.

I haven’t talked to him over the phone in two days. This is by no means a big deal, unless something comes up for why he can’t talk to me tomorrow night, then I’ll be irked. I’m not emailing him at all tomorrow. I seriously don’t want him to disappoint me in all of this ultimately. I just want him to live up to everything that he’s said, especially his whole honesty dealy. Tomorrow I get my hair done finally. I can’t wait to feel “normal” again. Annd I’ll be able to have Jamie take pictures of me when we’re at the Ren Fair! yay! I need to take a bunch of photos just in general to use all this film that I have. Although it’s really not that urgent. I can take pics at the FT show, if I do decide to go. I dunno. Ugh. I still have to get another band to do the acoustic show. I should check out that band JT suggested. Out of the group I have I have no idea who should be the headliner. I reeeally need to get crackin on that, but shock, surprise, I’m not that motivated. I’m so over doing shows this way, it’s just not right. I should of asked FT BEFORE I set up the show. No use crying over spilled milk?

I have a “review” with my soon to be ex-boss, which I find strange. But I guess everybody is getting them done right now. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I can just hear her saying “be helpful” or something stupid like that. I seriously don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to be judged or reviewed on a job that I don’t really even want to do anymore. Or have to fake it like I actually care, like I actually want to stay with this company. If someone told me they’d give me $25,000 tomorrow(after taxes of course), I’d quit my job in a heartbeat, if that long.

It’s just so weird how all of a sudden my job turned from being crappy but doable, to just totally intolerable. I can’t even get into doing the mundane, mind numbing stuff the same way I used to. It just sucks. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things, like I’ve had a general dislike for the job the whole time, just because it’s a job and not what I want ultimately. And then when Wendy left and Kimmie Gibler came in that totally changed the dynamic of the office, she’s so irritating, and then my surgery, and their reactions to it all. It’s all made me super frustrated. It’s like things keep getting added to the frustration list and nothing is getting subtracted.

Revere has been added to the acoustic show… so I just need one more and all of this crap will be over. I can just focus on promotions. I really wish today wasn’t Sunday and that I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll take a mental health day and just call in sick. That sounds like a really good idea.

Frustration with my job, the upcoming show. Hm. I guess those are the big issues right now.

Work: They pissed me off more today. My two bosses called me in to talk to them about being “helpful” with the new ad system. They said how I should be the point person on it and how I might have to enter orders for the sales people because they need to be out selling. I just didn’t like the way they were talking to me. It just made it seem like I’m constantly complaining to them about not wanting to do stuff like the stuff they’re asking me to do which is not the case. And now I just found out that one of the two producers is switching to a job in san jose. So that’s frees up his position but they’re not considering me. hm. Shitty. I suppose I could say something but I don’t know if I really want the job. I’d like it because then I wouldn’t have to do this crap anymore, but then I’d have to work with that other guy. I dunno. I just want out of this place altogether.

This is funny.. I just took this free career test and it said “Valli is not motivated to participate where simple, routine, basic tasks are primary.” That couldn’t be more truthful than anything I’ve ever read. I’ve gotta get out of this stuff.

Show: Well.. I need to find two more bands. That’s basically it. I’m disappointed in FT but what can you do right? I’m not over it and I don’t know when I will be. All I know is that things will never be the same.

I should write about happy things, since it always seems like something crappy is going on. So what am I happy about? I’m happy that my apartment is coming together and that it looks purdy good. I’m happy that I got the couch. I’m happy that I went to the SLP show last night with Elise and Sarah, twas funn. I’m happy about my family. I’m happy about who I am, I just don’t like my current situations. Obviously I’m still not where I want to be ultimately but it’ll happen eventually.

Everybody except for the head boss dude is gone. I, of course, am still here. The little advert hootchies left at 3 ’cause they couldn’t take the new ad system. Kimmie in particular was just “too tired” to go on. Right.

I got fantabulous news today. My couch (although it’s technically called a “daybed) is finally ready to be delivered to me! So they’re going to deliver it on Wednesday. They’re going to call me Monday to set up a timeframe. I can’t wait. It’ll be so great to sit on a couch again. The chair I got from Cost Plus is good, but I’ll finally feel semi-normal now with an actual couch in my place. Would you like to see it? Click Here. I got it in the “Pottery” color which is more of a red color, not the one shown on the main page. I think you can check out the swatches. I hope it looks good. I have to move my bookshelves over, oh and that reminds me I should get my mom’s tape measure to make sure it’ll fit. I actually want it to be big, they say you should get big pieces of furniture for small spaces. It’s been so long since I checked it out at the store.

So DS officially can’t do the show, they’re touring again. I finally got around to emailing Jesse and told him to let me know if it was an official “no” from the entire band. I haven’t heard back from him yet, but I’m hoping he reads it today and talks to the guys today and responds, TODAY! I still have no idea what I’m going to do about that show. It’s so annoying.

Ah yes, everybody is now offically out of the office. Although that means that I should leave too. I kind of don’t mind being here when everybody’s gone. I can freely surf the web.

Just heard from SAP, and they’re available to do the show. So that’s 3 bands so far. I wish FT would just do it, I’d feel sooo much better about the whole thing. Oh well, who cares about that when I get to go home and have my choice of a potsticker, french fries, mini corn dog nuggets or a fish fillet. Ahh, I love choices

I think that I should stick with the other business ideas that I have, like parting gifts, superficial and my band promotion idea. If I can get all three of those off the ground, hopefully they could generate enough money for me to be able to quit my job. At this point that’s my BIGGEST, HUGEST goal. Just to get out of this job, and I can still pursue the non-profit playground thing as well. gah.

I’m still pissed at the people who said they’d come to my party but didn’t. Totally annoyed me. After I got all that food and stuff, little punks. But at least I had a reason to clean the apartment and buy some roses. I love fresh flowers, I wish I could do that everyday.

Anyway… So I’m glad that’s over, they’re also having my bloodwork done, which as usual was really weird to see. Seeing your blood fill up two vials is just strange. I think that’s my fave part because it doesn’t hurt and it’s like the only thing that you do during your physical that really says something about your health.

After that I went to see Shrek 2. It was good but didn’t seem to be as funny as the first one. I just thought it was sooo awesome that Jennifer Saunders was the voice of Fairy Godmother. She is Adina from Absolutely Fabulous, one of my all time favorite british comedy shows.

And then after that I went to Barnes & Noble to check out books on weight loss surgery (WLS). I found Carnie Wilson’s two books but only read a bit of one. Her first “Gut Feelings” was about her childhood and her life leading up to and after the surgery. Then the second book called “I’m still hungry” was about after the surgery and just some tips for people thinking about having WLS too. All of it was very helpful. I feel a lot more comfortable with the decision to have the surgery. I wish I was able to schedule all those appointments that I have at the end of the month for tomorrow! I called my healthcare company to find out if the surgery was covered and it basically is, but they have to approve it and that can take up to a month. Which is shitty, I really want to get a move on it.

I guess its a good thing that’ll take some time to get the surgery scheduled because I’ll need time to get the money together for the surgeon fees. Plus my mom is going to sell her house, this house and buy a bigger one. It won’t be brand new, but it will be a resale house, probably here or in Brentwood or Oakley. This past weekend we went to a couple open houses and there’s this one house that I definitely want her to buy. It’s bigger than this house, the rooms are bigger, even the smaller ones, plus there’s a POOL and a SPA (that can fit ten people). The pool even has one of those bars with stools in the pool itself, plus three waterfalls, it’s sooooo cool. There’s tons of room for tables, chairs bbq’s and a basketball hoop, plus a deck! Ugh. The house does need some work because the owners picked some crappy tile and horrible appliances. Overall though, I think its perfect. Oh and the drive way is an actual, drive waaay. It’s a u shape, you drive up one end and come out at another, while passing by the front door, that has a “Port Cochere” which is just this over hang thingy over the driveway. It’s super cool.. and the rest of the neighborhood is full of big fabulous custom homes. It’s sick. I love it.

I actually am not looking forward to moving, but because of the surgery, moving out on my own is going to have to wait, I can’t pay off credit cards AND pay for surgery at the same time, which sucks ass. But if I have to live with my mom I’d like it to be in that house, with a friggin pool! My eyes started watering when I thought of the AWESOME parties I could have there.. *sigh* Gosh I wish I had that place now, my third of july party would be soooooo great. ugh.. anywhoo.

Lets see, I went to the FT show at imusicASS, which actually smelled like ass that night. There were a lot, a lot of people there because it was TC’s last show ever, (supposedly) and so FT didn’t go on last, they went on third, which was just weird and wrong and strange. Things were weird with Elise. On our way to Denny’s after the show I was just saying how it was weird and wrong and strange for FT to not go on last. And she was all like serious about how it was because they did that because it was TC’s last show and they were asked to be on the bill so therefor they couldn’t go on last. Which I knew and wasn’t saying that I didn’t get WHY they had to go on third, I just thought that it was weird to see them like that, especially since TC sucks ass. Anyway it was just weird, the whole ride was quiet. It just tells me that we just shouldn’t hang out that much, it’s just odd & awkward.

It’s funny how things present themselves, because there are no coincidences in this life. I don’t understand why people think that if for example you wanted to go to Las Vegas and stay in a nice, good hotel that it has to be super expensive. It DOESN’T PEOPLE!!! I stayed at the friggin Palms, the most popular hotel in Vegas as of late, for only 70 bucks a night! So don’t tell me that you can’t friggin afford it, because the deals are out there, and they’re not hard to find either. All I know is that it would be nice to just go on a real vacation. I wouldn’t mind going with my family even, but only if it’s everybody. Other than that I’d rather go with friends.

I’m watching Bridezillas right now and these women are psycho. Okay, not all of them, but the majority are a bunch of spoiled brats. I mean if I was going to get to wear a $4,000 dollar wedding dress I’d be soo incredibly happy and grateful, but I guess when you get that all the time you don’t think about that stuff. So eventhough I don’t have a lot of money, I’m grateful for that fact. I think I’ll appreciate all the things that I accomplish in my life that much more because it wasn’t just given to me. But on the other hand if I won a million bucks tomorrow I wouldn’t refuse it by any means. I’ve already got that money spent in my head.

Ya know this whole WLS thing, the thing that excites me more than being able to shop at more than one store, is thought that I would have the ability to do all the things that I’ve always wanted to do, like learn to surf, drive race cars and just travel in a plane without intruding on someone elses seat. Oh and swimming! Wearing a bathing suit! I think the last time I wore a bathing suit was like junior high and I didn’t even go swimming in it, I don’t think.

I have enjoyed having four days away from work. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be hating life there, but I gotta deal with it. I’m looking forward to the structure of it, of work, but not the actual work really. I’m looking forward to my cube/desk space area. It’s nice. That ho, kimmie gibler was like “you like your new space, valli?” and I was just like “yep”.. and that was it. You would think she would get the hint to not talk to me at all, but she never does. And of course tomorrow I’ll have to endure the questions about how my long weekend was, bleh. Just leave me alooooone! I hate it when they ask, I don’t ask them about their weekends, I don’t care and I’m not going to pretend like I do, unless they start it first.

Oh and at the show, tater-tot scott was there. He hugged me so freaking hard. Anyway, I invited him to my party only because I’m hoping (& praying to a God, any God) that he’ll get Range to come too! Apparently Range is training to be a triathlete or something and he lives in Mountain View.

Okay, I’m tired, gots to go.

Turned out that Elise was staying at her Aunt’s house in Berkeley. So I met her there and we went on to the show in my car. Elises Aunt’s house is fabulous by the way. It’s not a mansion or anything but its this old victorian ish style house, that’s just great. Anyway, it’s what I aspire to have, something unique and beautiful. So anyway the show was FABULOUS. The first band that played was Number One Fan. They’re sooo good. I loved them from the first song they played. I had never heard of them before but they were really good. They’re all like infants or something but still really good. Elise and I both got their cd after the show. The other bands that played before Juliana Theory were Bayside and Anberlin. Anberlin sounds like a great name for a girl. Those bands were good too but not my fave as much as the first. I swear the singer for Bayside is like Scott’s long lost brother or something. They both say the same things on stage, like thanking everyone for coming out like fifty times, saying the band name fifty times… So funny. He even kinda looked like Scott too.

Juliana Theory kicked ass! I love shows where you can get so into it and just not care about who’s around you. Just scream back the song to them, it’s great. I think what made it all the more awesome was the fact that I hadn’t listened to any of their cds in a super long time so I was excited everytime they played a song that I loved. Good times, good times.

I’m really happy that I have tomorrow off. I think I’m going to go to the movies sometime in the middle of the day tomorrow. It’s perfect. Nobody will be there and I can see whatever I want without tons of annoying people around. I saw “Taking Lives” with Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke. It was ok, not super amazing, but still interesting. I really liked her character though, ’cause she was different, nothing that I had ever seen her play before. I wanna see “Jersey Girl” tomorrow. That’ll be good.

“If you hate your job, hold down your expenses, save up money for awhile, and invest in your joy. Do it well, get paid, and get fired. It’s not rocket science.”

That is what a poster in our “library” at home says. I put on my cork board like years ago and it still rings true today. That’s my goal in life. To invest in my joy.

I’m bored but I know that there are a lot of things that I could be doing, I just need to get motivated to do them. Bleh.

So last night (saturday night) was the FT show in petaluma. I drove up early to go with Elise and her friends to the outlet stores up there. We hung out there walking around till about two hours before the show was to begin, then we parked near the theater and went to find a Starbucks. On our way we found a ceramics shop and decided to make pottery to kill time before the show. So now we have to go back to Petaluma to pick up our stuff like next weekend or something.

At the show I worked the merch table for the guys. Mainly because I made up these little fan club sign up sheets and I wanted to put them out. It wouldn’t look right without the merch table set up. People signed up so that’s good. I also got all the guys to FINALLY fill out my questionnaire for the fan club site. I think I might go in to work tomorrow and put it up on the site, along with creating the much needed street team page.

Lets see… I’m still single and hating it. But I know now what I’ve always known all along, that the only way to get what I want is to lose the weight. That whole “its whats inside that matters” crap is true to a point, the only way people stick around long enough to see what’s inside is if the package looks good. So I need to really dig in and lose all of this weight once and for all and go after what I want.