There are many things that I’ve meaning to write about, and now I finally have some time to get ‘em out. I really don’t have time, I should be working but I’d rather not. I just re-read my last blog post about the new company I’ve come to work for. Ahh, it’s interesting how things can change. It’s something that I’ve always known, but it doesn’t come up until things go wrong.

I was telling someone yesterday that the company I work for, there’s nothing wrong with it in general. People are nice, the company is ok, but ultimately it’s not what I want for my life. It doesn’t fulfill me and frankly I’m tired of bosses and I’m tired of office politics and muddled goals.

I’ve always wanted to have my own business, ever since I was a kid. I loved playing office or store by myself. I always hated “group work” in school. My sister knew from a young age that she wanted to be a lawyer and now she is one, even has her own practice. I, on the other hand, am still toiling in the mines for someone else.

And so it goes at most of the jobs I’ve had, after the initial happiness of landing a new job dissipates I’m left wondering what I’m really doing with my life. And this time, just like the others before, I come to the same conclusion. A whole lotta nothing. Well nothing that really inspires or excites me.

What I really want is to make a name for myself. I love writing, traveling and so many other little things that I won’t go into right now. Since I’m single with nothing really holding me back, except the usual credit debt, this is the time when I should take the chance on myself.

I have this idea that involves lots of traveling and writing. I’m hoping that I can really make it happen and have a very successful outcome.

So with that said, let’s think about love. There’s really nothing new to report. I’ve decided (and by decide I mean not do anything) that I’m not going to worry about finding a guy. It’s not the top-of-mind issue for me right now. Of course I have the same goals in that area, find someone, fall in love, get married and have babies. But I feel like it’ll happen when it happens and I ‘m not going to pick at it right now. Besides I’m tired of going after guys, it would be nice to be pursued for once (and not just for you know what).

Ok, now on to music. I’ve been meaning to talk about the CDs that I have recently acquired that I love.

First is Mat Kearney’s “Nothing Left To Lose,” his first single was the song of the same name. I love that song, but I was very surprised to find out that he does this kind of rap thing in his singing. It’s interesting. Luckily for him it works.

I bought The Police’s greatest hits CD which totally kicks ass. I didn’t realize how much I love “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” and “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.” I love the whole Lolita storyline in “Don’t…”

I got the new Tori Amos and Linkin Park CDs, both are good, but not so insanely good that I can’t stop listening to them.

I’ve bought CDs from Ari Hest, Shiny Toy Guns, Feist, Maroon 5, Justin Timberlake, and Josh Groban. All good stuff, but the biggest and best of them all is The Used latest CD “Lies for the Liars.” Don’t sleep on this CD it’s soo good.

When I was in kindegarten my mom would drive me to school every morning and I would cry as we got closer and closer to the school. I didn’t want to go school. My mom was perplexed she didn’t know why I was so dead set against going. So one day she came with me to class, which made me very happy, and she watched what was going on. She could see that I was extremely bored, and that the vast majority of the kids in the class were operating on a different level than me. When my teacher asked me if I wanted to work out of the cool workbook I said yes and instantly lighted up at the prospect of doing some real, challenging work. After seeing that my mom went into the other kindegarten class down the hall, that class was working on more advanced things, they were reading, learning numbers. So my mom went to the principal and got my class changed. Once I was in the new class, I immediately learned to read and I didn’t dread going to school every day.

I thought about this story last night while I was trying to go to bed. It sprung to mind because I was thinking about my current feelings for my new job. It’s been getting me down lately because I have nothing to do yet, no real tangible tasks that I can do, things that I can look forward to working on the minute I get into the office. I hate having to come in and manufacture some sort of relevant task to do. All of that makes me anxious and irritated (and it doesn’t help that I’m PMSing right now too) and I’m extremely bored. Boredom and Valli don’t mix. So all of that reminded me of Kindegarden and how some things don’t change.

That’s just who I am. I don’t want to go in to work (or school) if I know that there’s nothing to do and that I’m going to be bored out of my gourd. It causes anxiety, all of that uncertainty. And while I know that I can’t help the fact that I have nothing to do I also have this feeling that it’s my fault or responsibilty that I don’t have anything to do. I don’t know what to do with myself. Dreading going into work is the worst feeling and it’s not quite that bad, but it’s been a little bit like that these past few days. I’ve used my usual coping tactics, by just taking things bit by bit.

Truer words were never spoken.

So last Thursday I accepted a new job at a fabulous company in San Francisco. This is an awesome opportunity for me! I’m so excited about it it’s ridiculous. But I’m not naive. I’m actually kinda nervous about the whole thing. I know I’m smart and I can learn quickly. I’m just afraid of letting people down and I don’t want to do that. But overall I feel pretty secure in my talents and abilities.

My last day at lame company will be next Thursday. Yay!

I’m looking forward to what the future holds for me. Obviously I would love to get my love life in order. I’m hoping that I can get that whole thing figured out sooner as opposed to later.

I think it was last week on Tuesday that I was driving into work at 4 something in the morning. Yes you read that right, I was up at 3:30 in the morning getting dressed to drive my ass into work by 4:30 in the morning.

True story.

So I was listening to the first and BEST Counting Crows CD, “August and Everything After,” when the song “Perfect Blue Buildings” came on. In the song Adam Duritz sings the lyrics “It’s 4:30am on a Tuesday, it doesn’t get much worse than this.”

It was precisely 4:30 am on a Tuesday when he says this to me. So I had a mini freakout session. Adam couldn’t have been more on point.

I was going in to work that early to train a new co-worker on our system. I never wanna do that again. It’s not the training that sucked, it’s the having to get up that damn early.

In other news… This blog title really relates to other work issues, but I won’t name names, but just let it be known that I work for a company that’s doing some pretty shady things right about now. I dunno if it’s all bad, time will tell, but I know that of what I know so far it’s no good.

So my boss officially pushed back on my “Bachelorette in the Bay” blog idea. Which is a ridiculously awesome idea if I do say so myself. He said we can’t do it now because we’re going to be working with CCT and merging forces, blah, blah, blah.

How much do I hate him? Let me count the ways.

He even mentioned something about someone wanting to see examples of the blog… WTF??? Are you serious??

Where’s the exit?