So I have a new theme song. The title of this entry comes from the song “Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex” by CSS. It’s the song Apple used in those new iPod Touch commercials. I am absolutely in love with it! Best song in the world to describe my relationship with music.

So speaking of music, there’s a lot to cover. First off, the 80s are back people. Yes and it’s all good stuff. Blake Lewis, who was a contestant on American Idol, released his first CD “Audio Day Dream.” It of course has all of his beat boxing stuff, but there are some really good tracks. I dig the slow stuff like “End of the World” and “I Got U.” I hate the fact that he uses letters sometimes instead of actual words, but whatever, this isn’t about spelling.

On the other side of the 80s slant is a band called Metro Station. I got one of their songs for free during that iTunes/Starbucks promotion where they gave everybody one free song for like a month. Their CD is self-titled and I highly recommend the songs “Shake It,” “Kelsey” and “Wish We Were Older.” There are other good ones too but those are my current faves.

I literally just downloaded “In Your Eyes” Sara Bareilles’ live cover of the Peter Gabriel song. It’s soooo good. I love Sara, she has such a great, strong voice.

What else, what else. Oh, young male singers. Matt Wertz is just awesome. I heard one of his songs during the credits for the movie “My Super Ex-Girlfriend.” I didn’t even see the movie itself. Anyway the song was “Everything’s Right” and it seriously just made me melt. You immediately want to get in your car and drive down the coast. Ok, so that’s Matt and then there’s this other guy Jonathan Clay. I don’t have his CD yet but I plan on getting it ASAP.

In other news…

I finished my move into my mom’s place. As you can imagine there were a ton of mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand there’s this big relief to not be in that lame apartment complex anymore and the whole reason why I’m doing this is for the NASCAR project next year. But then on the other hand it’s like “ugh, I’m back living at home and I’m 27!?” There’s this weird sense of failure even though I know I haven’t failed. It’s just awkward and I really don’t want to be in this position for very long.

As hard and awkward as it’ll be to explain this project to my employer it’s what I have to do. I can’t wrap my head around all of the crazy things that happen at work and I really don’t want to.

My new focus is on trying to revamp the layout of The Fast and the Fabulous. I still need to get the whole photographer thing locked down and figured out. I really want great photos of me, finally!

Anywhoo, I’m heading home. Merry Christmas.

All of a sudden I have a headache. Probably too much Dr. Pepper.

Over these past couple of days I’ve been thinking about something that happened to me a little while ago. Only recently has this moment turned into something bigger. Nothing monumental has happened. I’m still me, still single and working and dreaming.

But in regards to men things have changed, at least for right now. I realized the other day that at this point in time the most important thing for me is to spend the next year chasing my dream of writing full-time and not chasing guys. The thought of getting dressed up to go out to a bar or wherever doesn’t intrigue me. The thought of putting up another personals ad icks me out. I’m over it. Maybe I’ll change my mind, but I truly think that by experiencing life and doing the things that I really, really want to do, I’ll be in a much better place to meet someone. I think it’ll happen that way, as opposed to just being bored and having nothing else to do.

In these past few days of getting ready to move all my stuff into storage with the plan for next year rolling around in my head it occurred to me just how much this next year means to me. There is nothing else I want more than to finally lead the life I’ve imagined. I know 27 isn’t old but it just feels like I’m overdue for this experience.

First, I must say this: If anyone dares read all of my entries from the past 5 years I must apologize in advance.

I went through all of my old posts to categorize them and I can’t believe some, okay most of, the things I’ve written. Everything that has to do with work seems to be let’s just say not so good. Looking back I think that I can safely say that I was immature about a lot of things, especially when it comes to work and guys.

I’m 27 now and I think, no I know, that I have learned a lot about who I am and what it is that I really want in this life. So instead of whining and complaining about whatever my current situation is I’m going to think and act positively to get to where I really want to be.

So all I’m asking from you is to not hold anything you read from when I was 22, 23, 24, 25 against me. It isn’t all bad, really there are some lessons that I learned through all of that stuff that I am truly grateful for. And really all of that had to happen in order for me to be where I am now.

I think the fact that I don’t even write in my personal blog that often is a sign of things changing. I don’t know, all I know right now is that next year I am living my life for me and I’m not going to let whatever little roadblocks that may pop-up get in my way. I’m too tired of saying things, wishing for things, hoping for things to happen. I’m going to start making things happen. I’ve done it before in fits and starts but this is really it.

So emotional. That would be me. There are times when I can think of certain people and just start crying. If I was an actress no one would ever have to worry about if I’d be able to cry on cue or not. I don’t cry about just anything though. There’s always a valid reason. Sometimes it’s helpful to cry just get things out. I always feel better after it’s over.

But lately it’s been worse. It’s the damn holidays I guess. I went to Los Angeles with my mom to my sister’s house for Thanksgving. One of my nephews was playing the piano and I got all teary-eyed over that. I don’t know what it was; I guess I was just so proud of him. All my nephews are so cool, even in their young age.

At any rate, the holidays can be tough. I’ve learned that if you have family you have issues and there’s just no way around that.

What do you think of the new look? I dig it. I was kind of hesitant to put all my personal blog entries in a place where they can be easily found, but I was tired of trying to update three different places. So now if you want to know what’s going on with me (that doesn’t relate to my racing blog) you only have one place you need to look.

My last update here was 9 weeks ago. Wow, thanks LiveJournal for letting me know. So I was watching this new show on HBO called “Tell Me You Love Me.” I love that title. Anyway, it’s about three couples at various stages in their relationships. It just got me to thinking about guys. Let’s say I meet “the” guy and we’re together. For everything that you know about someone, you still don’t know them. Just like he’ll never really and truly, know all of me. It’s just the way it is. The thing that gets me though is how horrible it feels when you find out that the little you do know about someone isn’t actually true. You find out that they don’t really like you the way you thought they did.

That’s not a good feeling at all. In fact I have to say it’s the worst feeling in the world. It’s worse than the pain of cramps from my period or that kidney stone I had. And let me tell you having that kidney stone was the worst physical pain that I have ever felt in my life to date. The thing about the pain of learning someone’s true emotions is that it’s a three-prong assault. It’s physical, mental and emotional. It gets you everywhere, ‘causing you to question everything.

I don’t like questioning myself. Especially when I think that I’ve been very clear about something.

It’s amazing how much you learn and change as you grow up. I’m not the same person that I was when I was 21. I have more confidence and in some ways less tolerance.  I can’t stand crazy drivers or people that can’t read signs, or people that don’t wear deodorant.  I think that it’s at this point in my life that there’s only a finite amount of time that I have on this earth and I really don’t want to waste any more of it.

And we all know what that means. That means that I don’t want to waste it doing something that I don’t love. As a result of growing older, more confident in my skin and becoming less tolerant that means that I’m tired of just dreaming. I’m going to start making things happen, those wild crazy dreams I’m going to make them happen.

I owe it to myself first and foremost. But I also owe it to all of the people that care about me. I owe it to them to do all the things that they think I’m probably crazy for doing.

I love this, I love writing like this. Just being completely honest about everything that I’m feeling and thinking. Next year I am going to be able to do this type of writing and my other type of writing in just one place. I am so excited at the thought of it.